I struggle with periodic depression. I’ve written a lot about it here on the blog. See above link for more.
This, this is today.
I feel myself withdrawing. I am slowly closing in on myself, retreating …
Avoiding the very thing that heals,
I do the thing that I most hate: run.
I cannot stop.
For days I have run and run and
that Black Dog laps at my heals. Chasing
me, mocking. But on and on I run
believing I can run fast enough, far enough.
I have never outrun the Dog.
I am filled with sadness, a despair
that’s sweetly familiar while so sour.
that old dog. I hate myself. I hate my
This too I hate
about myself for I am a piss poor friend.
There it is
the Demon of Lies, legions there flying about the room — named.
Long ago, before I was even born
this legacy grew into an inheritance, and I cannot break the cycle.
It, this would take a miracle.
Where do I find a miracle because I’m all out of them.
Break the cycle.
Break the pain.
Kill the demon that
plays with me,
plays an opus of loathing.
Someone please help before it crushes me.
For I am just a little girl not good enough for a friend.