New: A Solemn & Ordinary Life. #Self-Care in Living with Depression

on one level, her day-to-day life had become solemn and ordinary; awkwardly commonplace, when {self-care} is at the top of her To Do. she thinks. what kind of person needs that to do? — a person that deep down disgusts herself. she starves herself all day long until her hungry body confused enough to relentlessly…

{This is for the Dads. I See You}

This blurry pic, a copy of a copy, is my father holding my son.  You cannot see it from this cropped copy but they are sitting on the floor. This is for the dads, I see you. Recently at wedding of two friends it hit me.  I’m past the feeling of broken-heart-ache when I see…

{When Did you First Believe that God is Male?} #mutuality2012

Where do we form our ideas about God?  And more importantly when?  How young does it begin to register in your head and heart, your idea of God as a masculine figure and that your daddy is also male? How did they become so mixed together, mingled and intertwined? And I asked myself today.  How do you…

A Good Day Is (a poem)

A good day is one where I don’t remember [dad yelling] and everything I never finished      just      to make      him mad. A good day is one where I don’t remember everything that I        lost,      gave up,      was too afraid to try.      or…

My Duct Taped Heart (a poem)

I’m awake early, even before my alarm. Lieing in bed listening to the rolling thunder, wondering to myself. I know a rain spout is loose, it was duck taped on. It worked for a season but even that finally came loose and free. I don’t know how to fix things. I wonder about my father and…

Open Window [a poem]

These are the days I walk with leaden feet. I am heavy with the memory of you. And I wonder.  Am I free? These were your last days in April. For me, each feels more than twenty-four hours long. In the cold nights of April I lay awake remembering losing you. I hear the car…

Not To Speak is to Speak: Volume 2

“Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: GOD will not hold us innocent. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.”— Bonhoeffer NOT TO SPEAK IS TO SPEAK :  VOLUME 2 This is my attempt to consolidate some of the things I find on the web.  Of course this…

Reaching

I was always emotionally “reaching” for something from my dad, that infrequently came, whether it was holding my hand or just unscheduled time.

I needed [Too Late]

I NEEDED I needed a father who would love me for who I am, not who I might be or who I might become. I needed to be able to speak my mind, express myself, have opinions, and not feel I was your captive, imprisoned by you being right every time. I needed a father…