“Happy” New Year

As anyone who reads this blog knows, I question everything, I resist, I am a seeker. My soul howls and it cries. My heart is frequently conflicted, questioning, keening, searching, longing than finding and being at peace. This causes me to doubt.  This brings great fear. This causes me to wonder if I’m any further along…

{Waiting — An Advent Reflection} Melody Harrison Hanson

I’m pleased to be a part of an Advent Series a friend is running. Most of my life, I have been waiting for God. It’s a spiritual waiting for miracles. Waiting for answers. Waiting for healing in me and in others that I love or have loved. Waiting to feel mercy. Waiting for peace. You…

Shut Up for Once and Listen! Please.

Yesterday I read with disbelief as a flood of women replied on Tony Jones’ blog, when he asked the question “Where are the Women?”  Hundreds flooded his blog expressing how frustrated they were with not being listened to by him, by men, in the Church, in the blogosphere. They also said they didn’t have time for blogs…

I Found Love {The Challenge of “Eat This Book”}

I’ve never read the Bible from end to end. I grew up in the church but biblical literacy was not encouraged, until Blackhawk. Reading the ancient books I wondered—does God love me? Who am I to question God? And yet, I regularly bring questions and doubt to my reading of scripture. I cringe reading the…

{Stretching the Canvas of our Imagination}

I’ve tried to sit down and read all day. Instead I’ve placed phone calls to doctors, waited impatiently for return calls from nurses about supplements and medication’s interactions, and run twice to pharmacy and grocery store.  And, on it goes. One child threw up this morning. Another is dealing with headaches of the magnitude that you or…

Why So Silent? (And My New Superpower)

I have a super power — Invisibility. I’m having a difficult time sorting things – knowing that I want to be writing, but accepting life, which includes very little time for creativity. My camera has fallen silent and well as this blog. I have done a little writing, including a piece for my church on the Eat…

{We Are All Dying}

The crawl of fear, of losing, is close.  It licks me, as if I am a salty wound.  Everyone dies. Of course. But lately, I am aware of Life all around me healthy or otherwise. Tiny birds are singing a sonnet, high up in the tree. Cancer cells are growing inside a dear old friend. Dementia and…

A Crack in Your Life, That’s How the Light Gets In

I spent most of my life numb and afraid. I spent the next while trying to fix myself.  Then, I began to let go of control. Now life is a daily letting go. “Maybe you have to have a crack in your disbelief, that’s how the light gets in.” I am fighting, kicking and screaming…

{When You are Clutching at Hope}

Is it enough to strive? to want, to work, to try your hardest. Is it enough? There are no guarantees. Friendships flounder, parents betray, marriages flop or fizzle, children flail. life hurts immeasurably sometimes, is it enough to try harder? To do your best, when your best just doesn’t make it all — work —…

What Does the Word “Evangelical” Mean to You?

Wondering what the word “evangelical” means to you? Not completely sure, but I am thinking of quitting — being an evangelical, that is. Yes, my church is evangelical but that’s neither here nor there to me. I am not my church nor do I agree with every single thing they teach (that would be weird)…

{anxiety is a rabid dog}

anxiety is a dog. not like mine, fluffy and sweet. anxiety is a killer dog, rabid. I am eaten up, chewed on.  I am consumed. ++++++ “Those who do not feel pain seldom think that it is felt.” – Samuel Johnson, From The Rambler

Who’s listening? On writing and living a Story

The fog crept in steadily. The morning was dreary, unusually dark; so much so that my son asked if the sun was coming today. As I began my morning run I felt the drizzle soaking through the cloth on my arms, but it is unseasonably warm so my legs, bare to the elements, felt refreshed…