As The Winter Is Long [a NEW Poem]

In the dreary midwinter time is never-ending and merciless. I chase the shadow’s bright reflections, brittle patterns on the silvery snow. This distracts me from the echoing lament I woke with today. Melancholy sits dismally on my chest, like a lethargic cat As I consider what’s gone wrong with me. There’s always something and I’m…

The Tale that Cautions: I was a Drunk

I write down words. I was a drunk. It hurts still, the heavy story bulges in my heart. Knowing it’s true, that’s one thing. Going back to the vomit and need and empty ache the desperation sits heavy with me again all day. But in writing comes a slow redemption. My words are a gift:…

Daydream Believer

I break free in my day time dream, away from human suffering.  To float, up, alone and free. Sometimes as I fly away, the clouds are thick that hold me. And I trust they’ll keep me safer than solid ground. Suddenly, free-falling, I understand it was only a dream.Landing hard, here in Wisconsin’s fields. I am still human solidly…

Fear’s Come, Knocking

I rise early As pain wakes me, it is impatient to begin. It’s burning in my leg. I’m despondent, knowing Fear’s come, knocking Licking up my tears, FEAR holds me tight, Comforts, As I sit with her.  I know FEAR Like an old friend. I’ve never known much else, than this devilish companion. My heart…

Stop Being Afraid: A letter to Us All

This will be short, a letter to the Artist inside us all but especially to me, and the Artist that I’ve been afraid to become. I’ve been thinking. I’m electrified with the current state of affairs, I know how lucky I am to have space even a few hours every day to make art. I’ve…

A Bad Poem About My Sobriety

SOBER. Antonyms: alcoholic, drinker, drunk, lush, souse, wino I’m Sober today. But I’m clutching at it. And not contentedly. Control is an illusion. I’m powerless, that I can confess. Today, when the whole thing, my duct-taped heart, feels like it’s falling apart and I’m heart racing tired, knowing I should never get.this.way. I think, “If I could I’d smoke then, … What?” But the broken down lungs no longer cooperate. I want…

My Crazy Slow Surrender to Life’s Beauty

Life is worn and tearing, and this makes me profanely angry. I hear a baby cry in the distance, just a simple need for succor and in an instant, I’m filled with Memory—Grief for What’s Lost. For when it was my breast, feeding the cry, when mine were young, I did not understand The Wonder. …

I BELIEVE, HELP!

I cannot see the future. That’s what makes today hard faith, not constructs, conjecture or speculation. This is faith in the Present Personal God. And the unknown, unwritten, unlived days ahead, and today a (not so) Simple Practice. Today I have my need, absurdly. My inability to hope beyond a millisecond, my fear, my lack…

I’m Already Drowning

The noise of him rising wakes me, suddenly aware of morning.  I must have slept, for I am now fully awake. Before any awareness of the day a familiar dread pounds inside, stomach lurching. Life’s burdens stream in, pooling around as the bed floats. A Swelling river of tears, and fear and heartache.  I’m already…

Waiting to be Born

What is waiting to be born inside me, hope and delicate, childlike faith and courage.  I am wrecked, at the moment.  Empty, consumed, used up and useful to no one. This life is too much to bear. I’m waiting for it. I’m wavering, it is flickering within enough to burn. Bright and on, or out….

Starting Again, Come Monday

  “Any idiot can face a crisis; it’s the day-to-day living that wears you out…”  — Chekov It is the today, yesterday, and tomorrow; the calamities converging into a sucker punch, so that my ears are ringing, bumping and bashing back and forth, I’m wobbly. I’m done.   My heart hurts, my body even hurts from the…