My Very Little Faith

1. As it turns out I have A Very Little Faith. Perhaps I am a product of my human father who believed personal greatness was achieved through his tenacious hard work. Having a false humility, showing off A Very Big Faith, I saw that it was one that didn’t fundamentally change his character. Not really. This…

Happy Birthday to Me: A Look Back. And A Book Release.

I’m forty-eight today. Surreal. We will not celebrate for various reasons, none of which are as morbid as you’re imagining.  It is: no wish to celebrate (yes, I told Tom not to do anything) and being a little broke. I’m content. Instead of writing my annual birthday post, I’ve listed all the essays and poetry I wrote…

The Stones I Carry and a Band of Saintly Women

“With or without our permission, with or without our understanding, eventually suffering comes. Then the only question is how to endure it, how to accept it, how to cope with it, how to turn it from dross to gleam.”   Joan Chittister, The Liturgical Year A saint (noun) is a virtuous person, particularly good or holy,…

{My Silence, Depression’s Lies, and Faith}

I LIVE depression is a liar wailing. it hates you as much as you hate it.  and you know, you fear eventually the battle will be won. you may not be the victor. still you will fight  the raging storm inside your brain. to stop would be suicide. life goes on, you cannot stop for Love remains….

{On Seeing Syria}

“My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together.” – Desmond Tutu The phone call feels absurd. We need to make a decision on a new counter top today. Meanwhile, today I’m also to write about Praying for Syria. The decision is mocking me, it’s painful and perplexing.  I cannot reconcile…

(On Being Human — A Prayerful Poem)

We will go soon, and I’m afraid. I laid awake last night, wondering.  And in the meantime, since. I thought and thought.  My brain hurt for thinking so hard. When does rationality belay trust in God? Our souls churn, the crushing Weight of heart ache. We are sore from it.  Sleep won’t come And it’s 3:30 in the…

A Crack in Your Life, That’s How the Light Gets In

I spent most of my life numb and afraid. I spent the next while trying to fix myself.  Then, I began to let go of control. Now life is a daily letting go. “Maybe you have to have a crack in your disbelief, that’s how the light gets in.” I am fighting, kicking and screaming…

{Dust to Dust}

This is the week I learned that our children do not belong to us. We are not gods, to create a small being in our image. They come to us needy and helpless, and we are Caretakers.  Lives, made up of oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium and phosphorus, even heart, mind, and soul; each are but dust returning to…

{on writing, prayer and photography}

I have reflected on the idea of prayer and I am reading (with a friend) the wonderful book  Prayer by Hans Urs von Balthasar.  This book is so rich that I’m left both breathless for more, even while being totally flabbergasted by his meaty thoughts.  I find myself studiously copying down paragraph after paragraph.  I will be…

Lessons from the Monastery (When you are Bitter)

Do you ever have those days when “the shoulds “clamor but truth prevails? I should have done the dishes piled up from last night’s dinner which are railing against me and what I believe—that one should always clean up after a meal.  I should have gone through piles of papers collected, hauntingly reminding me of bills…