{Dust to Dust}

This is the week I learned that our children do not belong to us.
We are not gods, to create a small being in our image.
They come to us

needy and helpless, and we are
Caretakers.  Lives, made up of
oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium and phosphorus, even
heart, mind, and soul;
each are but dust returning to dust.

Arrogantly we live
day after day, with these small persons
believing that each meal, healthy or otherwise,
each book carefully chosen and lovingly read,
each activity selected so diligently,
each pastime and hobby, talent nurtured,

each word spoken into their small world

will stop them, and

start them,

make them
do; our Possession

to be molded, shaped, crafted
carefully controlling every encounter while they are young.
As if it changes anything.
Eventually they will choose Life or Death.

Unthinking, we are judiciously creating a small being
In Our Image.

This is the week I lost.

I knew,
I gave,
I wept,
I died,
I let go.
This is the week everything changed forever;
Inside me something broke
open;
the illusion of control.

This is the week, I gave them back;
to be “mine” is to lose them forever.

Yes, this is the week I lost.
And yet, here they are. Still
living and breathing, asleep in their beds.

and I am (still) full of hope, leaning on it

confident of this:

They are not mine, they are
released from my sweaty grip.

This is the week everything changed forever,

as mother became
helpless, child became

person, and everything changed, forever.

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6 Comments Add yours

  1. michellevl says:

    My husband and I have lived this post for the last decade, relinquishing and re-relinquishing our children and ourselves from our own sweaty grips to God. Thanks for putting the agony into such true, spare words. Grace to you as you walk through this part of your parenting journey.

    Like

  2. Lesa Engelthaler says:

    lovely. bittersweet. so lovely.

    Like

  3. nancy l says:

    beautiful, Mel. and so full of truth.

    Like

  4. wtsb says:

    I’m thrilled that you have come to these critical realizations through all the heartache.

    Like

  5. Helen Lee says:

    Wow, Melody. Just…..wow. So moved by your honesty, so grieved by your pain, but so encouraged by your arrival at hope. Thank you for sharing this with us.

    Like

Thanks so much for reading and sharing.

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