We will go soon, and I’m afraid.
I laid awake last night, wondering.
And in the meantime, since.
I thought and thought. My brain hurt for thinking so hard. When does rationality belay trust in God? Our souls churn, the crushing
Weight of heart ache. We are sore from it. Sleep won’t come
And it’s 3:30 in the morning.
Then you must pause.
As I waited I said to the Holy One, “So. I’m here now.
It’s just you and me. What is your plan?”
We will go,
Into the future
Yet untold, unwritten, unknown
I’m afraid. I’m undone, weary.
And yet I gave it to God. And my sweaty grasping hands and my heavy heart are open and free.
There is fear in the uncertainty as I long for assurances
That haven’t yet come nor will they
Perhaps ever. For that’s the way of it,