I am Underground

1/12/09

I guess I’ll make my poetry public again.

12/18, 2008

My poetry has gone underground for a while. I have said some things, and written some things, that have hurt people I love. I don’t want to be culpable, but I am. So it’s put away in a “drawer” for a season.

But here’s one called Hum, by Ann Lauterbach.




The days are beautiful The days are beautiful. I know what days are. The other is weather. I know what weather is. The days are beautiful. Things are incidental. Someone is weeping. I weep for the incidental. The days are beautiful. Where is tomorrow? Everyone will weep. Tomorrow was yesterday. The days are beautiful. Tomorrow was yesterday. Today is weather. The sound of the weather Is everyone weeping. Everyone is incidental. Everyone weeps. The tears of today Will put out tomorrow. The rain is ashes. The days are beautiful. The rain falls down. The sound is falling. The sky is a cloud. The days are beautiful. The sky is dust. The weather is yesterday. The weather is yesterday. The sound is weeping. What is this dust? The weather is nothing. The days are beautiful. The towers are yesterday. The towers are incidental. What are these ashes? Here is the hate That does not travel. Here is the robe That smells of the night Here are the words Retired to their books Here are the stones Loosed from their settings Here is the bridge Over the water Here is the place Where the sun came up Here is a season Dry in the fireplace. Here are the ashes. The days are beautiful. Ann Lauterbach is the author of five collections of poetry: If in Time: Selected Poems 1975-2000 (Penguin, 2001), On a Stair (1997), And for Example (1994), Clamor (1991), Before Recollection (1987), and Many Times, but Then (1979). She has received fellowships from the Guggenheim Foundation,the Ingram Merrill Foundation, and the John D. and Catherine C. MacArthur Foundation. Since 1991 she has taught at Bard College, where she is David and Ruth Schwab III Professor of Language and Literature and co-directs the Writing Division of the M.F.A. program.

How Important is Water?

At church our kids were asked to bring in something for an offering which will dig wells for the poor. Later that day, as my boys were counting their money (to spend on a toy) I said I wanted them to think about what water means to you in your life and let me know how much you might give in the offering. After consulting one another they decided … they’d give $1. (They have $16)

(pregnant pause)

To say the least I was disappointed! And barely containing it, I asked them to rethink their amount. They came back upstairs to say, “It’s still $1. Everyone else is going to give Mom, why should we?”

(another pregnant pause) — which does come in handy as a Mom, to collect your thoughts. I knew that it was a perfect time for an object lesson. Think fast!

At dinner, I put a large glass of water in the middle of the kitchen table along with post-its, a pencil, and we were off naming all the ways that water is important to us. As the days went on our list grew (from serious to silly) and I hope that their awareness of and appreciation for good, clean water has grown.

I haven’t had the courage to ask them if their donation is going to change.

Here’s the list developed by my 11, 9 and 7 year old kids:

water balloons
baths (gallons)
washing clothes
car washes
flushing toilets
washing your hands
coffee (okay that’s mine)
soccer water
p o o l
brushing your teeth
TOILET
putting out fires (they are aware of the news)
water guns
humidifier
the drinking fountain at school
snow
water is good for you (the 7 year old)

Yes!

Femmes arabes sur baudets.

Originally uploaded by New York Public Library

The New York Public Library has shared old photographs to the public commons of flickr. I was intrigued by these really old images from Syria and Egypt and this one in particular. It made me think of Mary, Jesus’ mother, possibly riding in to Nazareth, exceedingly pregnant. She would not have been veiled, but in every other way this image takes me there.

I just love old images and thoroughly enjoy scrolling through them.

On a slightly different note, has a kid ever asked you things like “Why is Santa called Santa?” Or, I’m trying to remember some of the stranger questions I’ve gotten over the years…. about various Christmas customs? Have you ever wondered why a tree is used to celebrate Christmas? I have. I found an interesting website explaining why we have certain Christmas traditions and fascinating to me, how Christmas is celebrated in various cultures. Christ followers celebrate the birth of Jesus and if you’re curious, read the full Christmas story here.

And, being a step-parent, I found this rendition of the story of Joseph to be interesting. It’s found on an Anglican Church website. Being a step-mom was one of the most difficult roles I’ve ever found myself playing and it isn’t a game. Every day, with an instant five year old child was personally challenging and tested my character and strength. I’m afraid I many times came up short. But I never considered the fact that Joseph was raising a child that wasn’t his own blood.

I hope you will enjoy the 19th century images. And perhaps learn something you didn’t previously know about the customs of Christmas.

Music Makes Kids Smarter!

…

Originally uploaded by M e l o d y

Emma at her elementary school strings concert. I am so glad that they still have a strings program at her school.

In October, I blogged on the fact that music makes kids smarter and my opinions about George W’s policies.

Things I Gave Up For the Recession (Updated)

One one of my current favorite websites, The Huffington Post, has a new section, Blogging the Meltdown. Here’s my entry for how the recession has impacted me. It’s updated from something I wrote a month ago.

Ten (or so) things I gave up because of the recession:

Not in order of importance.

1. Coffee shops. Though I still drink good strong (usually fair trade) coffee at home, I no longer stop for it when I am out and about. (Sorry Starbucks.) And I’ve vowed to use up all the tea I have at home. Somehow I like buying tea (they come in beautiful boxes) but don’t seem to drink much of it. That’s changed.

2. Books. My husband swears I could read for two years or longer on the books I currently own, but I have given up purchasing books. That’s a compulsion that is hard to change but important way to save big dollars. I will visit my local library which means I have to be much more organized and less spontaneous about my reading preferences. (Goodbye Borders.)

3. Neighborhood grocery store. I love the beautiful atmosphere including classical music, but I’ve given it up for the prices at Trader Joe’s and a warehouse store like Woodmans. Again, I must be more organized. Frankly, I don’t miss seeing wine on every corner associated with all the good food I like, since I gave up drinking in July. (That’s saving us a bundle.)

4. Shopping for entertainment. Okay, don’t judge. It is something that I enjoy(ed.) But we’re not shopping at all. Only what’s absolutely needed and in the budget.

5. Eating out. We just don’t do it. And we used to eat out three or four times a week, sometimes as a family of five, sometimes at lunch from work. It was a way to stave off boredom, an antidote for laziness, and somehow a ‘reward.’ Again, planning ahead is required to eat every meal at home. Tom just got eight cans of Progresso Soup for $10. Now that’s a deal!

6. Cambodia. I had planned a trip there to take a photography course, but this is postponed indefinitely.

7. Our Dishwasher. It broke, burning out in a blaze of glory after probably 30+ years and it won’t be replaced for a while. Things we don’t need, won’t be repaired or replaced. We wash our dishes by hand which has caused me to use more hand lotion. But funnily enough, I have quite a bit.

8. Furniture in our Living Room. Our cat George has issues (related to peeing) and we’ve lost furniture, rugs, pillows, etc. all because of it, I mean him. They won’t be replaced for a very long time. He may get the boot! Though that is under debate.

9. Gourmet cheeses (and things like it.) Yummmmm. The older the better. Stick to grocery store brand Sharp Cheddar. Oddly difficult for me.

10. We’ll be canceling all of our magazine subscriptions (except PASTE magazine, which is awesome! And you get a CD of cool new music each month. (By the way, no more CD purchases!)

On the short list for what’s next: Piano tuning won’t happen this this winter or vacations & travel of any kind. We’re considering cutting Cable, although we’ve had an ongoing family debate over this. The Persian rug in our den will not be cleaned.

We’re still investing in retirement, the kids are still in soccer and music lessons, we eat well, we are in no manner suffering. The biggest sacrifice has been what we perceived as financial “freedom.”

It is interesting how our priorities change as we deal with the fact that we must bring down our debt and increase our savings. The recession was basically a wake up call for my husband and I who have been living as if we can buy and do whatever we want whenever we desire. If we can’t afford it this month but we really want to do it, we put it on credit.

We now live on a budget and track each category (almost) daily. What we thought was freedom was bondage, and now, we are free. It will take us four years on this restricted budget to be completely out of debt. It is ironic, but by the time Mr. Obama is running again, we will be in a place to afford vacations, send our kids to college, and have a little more real freedom.

The recession is a blessing disguised as a burden.

For us, that is. For many people it is much more dire. Just spend a few minutes on the Huffington Meltdown site reading the stories of the homeless, uninsured, jobless, … yes, in my America. Your America.

It makes my little list of “sacrifices” seem so silly.

Living On A Budget

bead bokeh bling

Originally uploaded by M e l o d y

I discovered a really strange phenomenon when I visited the 12th annual fair trade festival with Emma today.

It is hard to spend a little money, it’s easy to spend a lot.

I had my limited cash and a list of family that I wanted to buy for, my budget in mind and off we went!

Emma and I walked the hall twice, as well as the indoor farmer’s market. There were hundreds of gorgeous items and they really were not that expensive. In my former life/budget I would have likely spent at least a hundred dollars on trifles, cute jewelry, beautiful bags, fun imaginative animals, blankets, amazing, beautiful dresses that were made for American Girl dolls, and fun instruments.

But I was overwhelmed. I was completely flustered by having a limit to what I could spend and I spent, …. nothing.

Other than Dolgo Crab Apple Jelly from a flickr contact’s company Pamplemouse Preserves and $2 worth of potatoes and $2.50 on two donuts from the farmer’s market. The preserves were $15 which felt really steep, but she’s a small business owner, making everything from locally grown fruit, and that’s good enough for me. Lastly, it cost $4 to park at Monona Terrace which was not on the Fair Trade website. $23.50 for the hour and a half.

I was going to say it was a miserable experience. I guess that’s not quite it. I was just so aware of my limits and it was a strange place to be in, and it made me really grumpy and slightly down.

No shopping high was found today. And I’m left with the realization that I am an extremely spoilt person. Spoilt thru and thru. For as long as I can remember I have been able to be spoilt rotten and now, because we’ve decided to live on a budget and completely get out of debt, I can’t.

Boo hoo, poor me. Time to grow up Melody. Most people in the world struggle to put food on the table and strive to meet their families needs; and I’m whining about living on a budget (a very comfortable budget in global standards.)

Fragmented

It is not good to get in this mood.

I am dangerous.
I hurt others. I hurt myself.
I have no words, a heart full of gravel.
I will retreat, for now.
I will search out the truth.
I have been called needy. Manipulative.
It is too much to face.
For now I will retreat. Reseal my heart, so that
I cannot hurt or be hurt.
I know this is fragmented truth, but for now
it is all I have.

11-26-2008

There is No Just War

I went to bed a few hours ago and woke with this ringing in my ears:

“There is no just war.”

I’ve no idea where it is coming from; it seems totally out of the blue. Sometimes things come to us from what we were reading or talking about before we fell asleep.

I was reading Henry Nouwen’s book Lifesigns. It has nothing about war, but rather is an invitation to Intimacy, Fecundity (which sounds rather like a dirty word to me, but isn’t …) which is openness to a life of change and growth, and Ecstasy, the fullness of joy!

And before that I cleared my email. I did a little research on “poverty in the US and the world” for my essay written for my church’s blog Advent Conspiracy. Before that, I was reading about different women’s roles in the development of the early male philosophers. (Don’t ask me why. I’m sick. I can read whatever I want.)

I’ve been sick for three days and my bed has been my constant companion; sleep, as well, at times but more often then not I am left with the warm covers and my cold thoughts. The “I should be doings” ringing in my ears. It’s good that this doesn’t happen to me too often (getting sick, I mean) because I don’t do sick very well and I have a propensity for getting Pneumonia. Thankfully this doesn’t feel like Pneumonia just a simple flu.

Anyway, “war” is ringing in my head right now and I don’t know why, but when this happens I can’t help but go to my bookshelves and see what I have. If I find nothing I go to the web but I was looking for a little book I knew I’ve had for years, but haven’t had the courage to read. It is titled: WAR: Four Christian Views.* I guess I know what I’ll be doing for the next few hours.

Why does it take courage to read about war? Well, as a Christ-follower I have to face that the Church doesn’t exactly have the best record on war. Neither does the Bible. And, I just hate hearing what some people (Bush/Cheney) say to justify certain wars. How they justify the Iraq war is beyond me.

But now that my spirit has been nudged. I am going to read this book once and for all and then see what I am thinking. I’ll let you know.

* WAR: Four Christian Views. Edited by Robert G. Clouse with contributions by Herman A Hoyt, Myron S. Augsburger, Arthur F. Holmes, and Harold O.J. Brown.

Buy Local: Pledge to Spend $100 at Local Merchants this Holiday Season

12/03.2008 Edit. No matter where you live, spending locally will help your local community and I would encourage you to consider it.

—————-

The Isthmus – Madison’s local weekly newspaper – is urging readers to spend at least $100 of their holiday money this fall at locally owned stores in Dane County – a move that could pump more than $15.9 million into the urban economy during this recession-plagued season.

The project is based on data showing that money spent in locally owned businesses tends to stay in the area and circulate through the community, increasing economic activity. Economists call this the multiplier effect.

You can pledge on their page.You will automatically be entered to win gift certificates from Willy St. Co-op, Dimaggio’s Euro Design and the Downtown Madison Business Improvement District (BID).

You can find a list of locally owned businesses at www.DaneBuyLocal.com.

Gratitude, Not a Cliche

My arm is killing me today from the surgery yesterday to remove potentially hazardous skin, but it isn’t Melanoma, the ‘bad’ cancer. I’m thankful for good health. I’m even more thankful that I’ve been depression-free for more than a year and that is just damn good news, when you’ve travelled to the depths of darkness and feared your own return.

I want a glass of wine, but I’m drinking non-alcoholic beer. I’m thankful for my sobriety. Though it has caused me to be “self-centered,” sobriety is worth losing some social life. I’m thankful that I’m not falling down drunk this thanksgiving, or even heavily tipsy, at 4:00 in the afternoon, like years past. It is amazing how your mind remembers, I woke up this morning wanting to drink today. After months of sobriety and not even thinking about it, it’s kind of strange.

The pumpkin pie I baked today from scratch is the ugliest pie I have EVER made, but it was made with love, and it will (hopefully) taste good. And if not, well, I’m thankful to not have to hold on to perfection as the ideal, because I fail it miserably and this pie is a good metaphor and reminder for me.

I have loads of laundry to be done, but I am thankful that we have such abundance. Our home, Tom’s business, cars, food, health care; I could go on and on.

I lost a friend recently when I thought we were close, but I am thankful that learned some things. I learned that I can be manipulative, and selfish. And that friendship isn’t unconditional, but depends on how healthy you are and whether you cause a person too much work. I play what you call “games” and am not there for my friends, as much as I need them to be there for me.

My family is spread out all over the country and has slipped apart since my father’s death, but I’m thankful that my 70 year old Mother is healthy and should live a good long time.

I’ve been forgiven by God for the many mistakes I’ve made in my life. His grace is something I don’t fully comprehend, but as I am forgiven by him, which is undeserved, I can forgive others.

I’m thankful for my husband Tom who held me recently and whispered “It’s going to be okay.” He’ll never know how much those words meant to me, because often I am afraid that it is NOT GOING TO BE OKAY! He is an amazing man and I am often so undeserving of his graciousness and love. He picks me up off the floor and reminds me of all the good things.

I’m thankful for my children, each of them unique and beautiful in their own way. I am so thankful for their innocence, their unconditional love and the hugs. My kids love to give and receive hugs.

I’m thankful that my kids are able to get an education, live in a free society where ideas can be expressed without fear, and they can believe in God without fear of oppression. I’m thankful for Barack Obama!

Being thankful, no it isn’t a cliche. I am thankful.

What is the most popular fruit in the world?

My son Dylan just asked me “If Milk is the King of Dairy, what is the King of fruit?” Gee, I don’t know! I have my guesses, but you would be as surprised as I was to find out what actually is the most popular fruit in the world. It is actually my favorite fruit “in the world,” so I guess I am a global citizen after all.

Take this poll before you read on!

It’s probably safe to say, that when asked which fruit is the most popular fruit in the world, the majority of Americans and Canadians would respond with apples or bananas. That response would be normal, but far from accurate.

To the astonishment of most North Americans, mangoes are consumed worldwide by a factor of three to one over bananas and ten to one over apples. Although mangoes are still considered to be exotic fruits in America, ranking as number 24 of the top 25 fruits consumed in the US, they are considered to be staples in India, South Asia, China, and Latin America; often being referred to as “the king of the fruits”. Evidently, those in the many far corners of the world have learned something that has yet to be discovered in North America!

There are over 2,000 different varieties of mangoes ranging in size from a few ounces to as much as four pounds. One thing they all have in common is their nutritional value; mangoes are a fantastic source of vitamins C and E, niacin, potassium, iron, and beta carotene which converts to vitamin A in the body.

The fresh, ripe mango is a very juicy and sweet fruit with a unique and delicious taste. Some mangoes have a soft and pulpy texture similar to an over-ripe plum, while others have a firmer flesh similar to that of a cantaloupe.

Mangoes are widely used in chutney, fruit bars, cereal products, juices, pies, ice creams, and even milk shakes. Although a little messy due to their high juice content, they can be enjoyed simply by slicing the fruit as you would a peach or pear.

Excerpted from E-Zine Articles.

Condition Critical in Congo

I often wonder why in the West we are so numb to what’s going on in other parts of the world? Who wants bad news all the time? Certainly not me.

I’ve been reading a book on the first year of the war in Iraq. And now, rather than ‘tune out’ reports on Iraq which is what I prefer, I listen to them with different ears. Informed & caring ears. The situation in Iraq has new meaning to me because I read about it. But honestly, I just don’t want to be bothered or guilted into anything. I am speaking for myself here but I’m thinking I’m not alone.

You likely know that there is a war that has been going on for a decade or longer in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Mostly we don’t hear about it in our “world” news. I know next to nothing about Congo, but Googled it and found this out:

“Conflict and humanitarian crisis in the Democratic Republic of Congo have taken the lives of 5.4 million people since 1988 and continue to leave as many as 45,000 dead every month, according to a 2008 mortality survey released by the International Rescue Committee.” 1

From time to time Tom and I give money to an organization called Doctor’s without Borders 2 (more about them below). Today, I received an email and found myself watching the most

riveting,

sad, and

maddening

video about what is happening right now in the Democratic Republic of Congo! (I tried to embed it here, but alas I am way too dense.)

Hundreds of thousands of people are on the run, and/or in refugee camps, fleeing a war that is raging in the eastern part of Congo, in the provinces of North and South Kivu. Many people are sick or wounded, others have been separated from their children or parents. I’m sure you’ve heard the reports of women being harassed or raped. The people of the Kivus are in dire condition and the destiny of everyone in this region is shaped by the war.

This is a striking photo timeline of the war. And here’s a link to the short video full of personal stories about the impact of this war.

I think, once I have learned so much about the people of Congo, I won’t be able to ignore it in the news any more.

But even as I write this, as I read on about the IRC on their website, I find myself sighing deeply and thinking I don’t want to know any more right now. (e.g. I just read $50 could ensure that 100 refugees have access to safe, clean water in the midst of an emergency. ) I think I’ll go make myself a cup of tea and while I do I’ll thank the good Lord that I have heat, a full tummy and a toilet that flushes.

We can’t care about everyone, everywhere, all the time. But it is good to let the armor or complacency shield down every once in a while. Because somewhere, right now as I write these words, people are suffering.

———————————————————————————-

1 The International Rescue Committee is a global network of first responders, humanitarian relief workers, healthcare providers, educators, community leaders, activists, and volunteers. Working together, we provide access to safety, sanctuary, and sustainable change for millions of people whose lives have been shattered by violence and oppression. Founded in 1933, the IRC is a global leader in emergency relief, rehabilitation, protection of human rights, post-conflict development, resettlement services and advocacy for those uprooted or affected by violent conflict and oppression. The IRC is on the ground in 42 countries, providing emergency relief, relocating refugees, and rebuilding lives in the wake of disaster. Through 24 regional offices in cities across the United States, we help refugees resettle in the U.S. and become self-sufficient.

2 Doctors Without Borders/Médecins Sans Frontières (MSF) is an independent international medical humanitarian organization that delivers emergency aid to people affected by armed conflict, epidemics, natural and man-made disasters, or exclusion from health care in more than 60 countries. New York office: 333 Seventh Avenue, New York, NY, 10001

Ya'll, thanks for sharing.

Ya'll, thanks for sharing.

Ya'll, thanks for sharing.

Ya'll, thanks for sharing.

Ten (or so) things I gave up because of the recession:

We’re still investing in retirement, the kids are still in soccer and music lessons, we eat well, we are in no manner suffering. The biggest sacrifice has been what we perceived as financial “freedom.”

The recession is a blessing disguised as a burden.

It makes my little list of “sacrifices” seem so silly.

Ya'll, thanks for sharing.

It is hard to spend a little money, it’s easy to spend a lot.

But I was overwhelmed. I was completely flustered by having a limit to what I could spend and I spent, …. nothing.

Ya'll, thanks for sharing.

Ya'll, thanks for sharing.

“There is no just war.”

* WAR: Four Christian Views. Edited by Robert G. Clouse with contributions by Herman A Hoyt, Myron S. Augsburger, Arthur F. Holmes, and Harold O.J. Brown.

Ya'll, thanks for sharing.

Ya'll, thanks for sharing.

Ya'll, thanks for sharing.

Ya'll, thanks for sharing.

riveting,

sad, and

maddening

I think, once I have learned so much about the people of Congo, I won’t be able to ignore it in the news any more.

Ya'll, thanks for sharing.