I have often wondered about my mind. How it plays tricks on me. Foggy, crushing, chaos, creating doubt, self-hatred, despair; dragging my life down into depression.
I have learned to fake it, to pretend. Everything will be alright. The pills work. I must be okay. What is the alternative?
Everyone has faith in me to survive. I ask God for help as everyone was slowly stripped away from me by death.
There is only me and God to wrestle this archenemy depression. The anger that sits inside me threatens. Every day, we win if I get up. Again and again.
To choose generosity, to be a good person, to see beauty, to love. There is no good inside me unless God resides there. That’s my life. That’s enough for today.
2 thoughts on “Alternatively”
Love your writing. Hate that you are suffering so. Jealous that you still believe.
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On good days.