Sometimes I want,
Want so hard I fear it will break me in two.
What I want hurts inside, not because
I can’t have it … but,
Because the wanting,
Waiting, anticipating fills me up so full that I know I will burst.
I explode with the knowledge of it.
The pain is liquid fear,
Need rushing through me, pulsing, crushing
Flooding into all that I know to be true.
Sometimes when I know, with certainty,
I just know that I cannot have what I want,
I fear the pain of wanting.
The empty place inside so full of longing.
I fear it because a longing that deep, that clear,
Will only hurt.
Hurt for so long that what I know, what is goodness and truth,
What will be there, with certainty continuously
Begins to take on a quality of something else.
Endless, my longing and my reality go on and on, intertwining.
Sometimes, when I think of what I want,
I hate myself.
Sometimes wanting is enough
To remind me that I am still alive.
But other times, wanting is enough to curl me up,
Curl me up into a tomb-like, cold, scary place
Where I am suffocated by my own
Wanting.
melody harrison hanson, june, 2007
Amazing… really fantastic topic. I am goin to blog about it also!
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It was extremely interesting for me to read this blog. Thanks for it. I like such topics and everything connected to them. BTW, try to add some pics :).
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Greetings! I’ve been reading your website for a while now and finally got
the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from New Caney Tx!
Just wanted to mention keep up the good job!
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well thank you julieta. it is always good to hear from a reader. the ethers of the internet can be eerily quiet.
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