I Fear the Pain of Wanting

Sometimes I want,
Want so hard I fear it will break me in two.
What I want hurts inside, not because
I can’t have it … but,
Because the wanting,
Waiting, anticipating fills me up so full that I know I will burst.
I explode with the knowledge of it.
The pain is liquid fear,
Need rushing through me, pulsing, crushing
Flooding into all that I know to be true.

Sometimes when I know, with certainty,
I just know that I cannot have what I want,
I fear the pain of wanting.
The empty place inside so full of longing.
I fear it because a longing that deep, that clear,
Will only hurt.
Hurt for so long that what I know, what is goodness and truth,
What will be there, with certainty continuously
Begins to take on a quality of something else.
Endless, my longing and my reality go on and on, intertwining.
Sometimes, when I think of what I want,
I hate myself.

Sometimes wanting is enough
To remind me that I am still alive.
But other times, wanting is enough to curl me up,
Curl me up into a tomb-like, cold, scary place
Where I am suffocated by my own
Wanting.

melody harrison hanson, june, 2007

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. perigrait says:

    Amazing… really fantastic topic. I am goin to blog about it also!

    Like

  2. FrozenSun says:

    It was extremely interesting for me to read this blog. Thanks for it. I like such topics and everything connected to them. BTW, try to add some pics :).

    Like

  3. Julieta says:

    Greetings! I’ve been reading your website for a while now and finally got
    the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from New Caney Tx!

    Just wanted to mention keep up the good job!

    Like

    1. well thank you julieta. it is always good to hear from a reader. the ethers of the internet can be eerily quiet.

      Like

Thanks so much for reading and sharing.

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