I’ve been thinking a lot about my traumas and God’s grace, about sin and God’s grace, about my separation from God, actually pushing God away, and the act of drawing near to him again. About the things in our lives that keep us from total dependence. My life, to be clear, my dependence.
I find it interesting the pathways we travel in life. For me, being at home, working solidly on my writing now for months, even years, perfecting my craft, reading and writing, studying scripture, and rethinking how I read the Bible, learning the Story of the Bible. Rethinking what it means to be a woman in the evangelical church. Being healed, yes coming utterly unstuck with regards to bitterness over women in the EFCA denomination and specifically feeling ignored, unheard, and unimportant and then chastised for being so outspoken, but simply wanting to talk with others about their experiences as women in ministry, and not finding people like that except online. Years of feeling very alone in all respects about all these things.
And then there is the writing; being challenged by two friends (one being my husband) to write, and remembering the others over the last year or two. I should take up with Nike because writing, really comes down to just doing it. Right?
Sure, you need a plan. Perhaps there is a proposal for a book. You need connections, eventually an agent or a publisher. But first, you must simply be willing to write; to occupy your story and to portion out your life experiences for others; be exposed and yet trustworthy with yourself and others. That’s the objective, but even as one engraves their story on the “page”, lives, shares, replies to others. There is the parallel deepening comprehension that you must remain vulnerable and open to the Holy Spirit, to growing in the faith journey, to see God work – in his most miraculous, deeply challenging, sometimes abysmal challenges, promptings, and difficult though it may be – to grow! As the scriptures are open before me, to thank God for the challenges, the scares, the mistakes, and the sin. He won’t turn away from me.
Writing is about remembering, acknowledging the power of God in my life. It’s about believing and knowing. Not being perfect. And as the two paths run parallel I suppose the challenge is to not allow the writing overtake the growing, the life story outshout the holy spirit and the narrative of scripture and all that should and is doing inside me.
And so, this place will be less a place of perfection but a place of perfecting.
Perhaps you will enjoy the process. I thank you for your grace as you journey along.