I regret not being happy. Or happier if that makes you feel
better. As if I could do anything to change myself.
I doubt that it is in my power at all
to change me. Particularly when I feel this heavy. Smothered by a lingering gloom.
And I know that disaster sits around the corner waiting. No, I do not choose
my moods. I don’t believe one can
choose to simply be something else. If I did, I would not last long
sitting with this regret.
September 21, 2011
Sleeping poorly and feeling increasingly unsettled the last few days. I’m not sure what’s going on or what this poem even means, but this was the result of trying to write about it. MH