in the interview, she said:
If you could buy any one talent what would it be?
She asked guilelessly, unknowingly.
Did she know she was asking me:
What is your prison? What deprives you of freedom? To what fear do you fall prey?
Please, oh please would you take away the endless, maddening worry over words.
The words I love as I endlessly twist and turn
them. Allowing the words to loll about on my tongue.
I cannot get them out loud. Not well enough.
And it makes me boil with fury. Powerless because in my brain it is all
so clear. On paper every word concise and even brilliant, a time or two.
But out loud I am a clown.
If I could buy any talent in the world I ask
would you give me the ability to actually say what I think?
The persuasive magic of breaking down walls of misunderstanding?
Of bringing people together toward an idea, a prayer, a prophetic word, an affirmation that needs saying.
Oh the words, the intent, the message in my heart I just want it out. Out of my head.
In the interview, I spoke of comfort speaking publicly, but it is so much more.
It
comes
down
to the
w o r d s
CrowdingInMyHead.
Please, oh please
take away the endless, maddening worry over w o r d s turning
me into a clown.
Logic & Imagination 
“Eloquence. It is not just the turning of a phrase. It is the reminder of the truth that all words carry inherent purpose and power. That the choice of a right and just word is just as life-changing as the most destructive of choices. To be able to speak and have your words do what they were meant to is a quality that so weakly but by design reflects the Word of our Creator. The written word is just as powerful or transformative but we have the luxury of fashioning and molding them. A spoken word comes out in a mere instant.”—sadly, I’m quoting myself here from a post on my blog.
I would like to be more thoughtful and exacting in my spoken and written words. But, the talent I want more than anything is one that I cannot study for, nor become better by learning the craft. I want His words to supercede my own, and for me to be okay with the silence until I hear them. I’m so tired of leaning on my understanding because I have the giftings of insight and sometimes interpretation, only to have to pick up the pieces of well-intentioned but ultimately destructive discourse. I can get “better” at it, but only if God grants me the grace to be obstinate… to only move or say something until He forces me. I’m not so sure that’s a Christ-honouring attitude to have.
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Lovely. Painful. Real.
Thanks.
Meg
P.S. On the lighter side:
I was just thinking yesterday that if “out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks”, I must have an excrement-filled heart. :( My first word when I spilled a glass of water over the papers on my desk was “SH!T!”
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