“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”
— Henry David Thoreau
For many years now Tom and I have felt like we’re playing the Game of the American Dream.
Although it looks perfectly delightful on the outside, the conspicuous consumption of our lives keeps us awake at night. It’s no secret that we must make pretty good money, since I don’t have to work but we’re not even very careful with our money. We know we are lucky to have a such a good income and we have our retirement funds, and because of his business we’re insured up to our eye balls. But at the same time have no short-term savings and live month-to-month. And we’ve gotten ourselves in trouble a few times wanting a vacation or bedroom furniture or to build out a studio and putting it on credit because we don’t save for those eventualities.
I shop compulsively — like I do so many things — with more than twenty years of bad spending choices and not living deliberately. I confess to my own addictive spending habits which have taken years to reform and I must say I am not fully there. It has been an area where I have had a two-fisted grip on that “need” to have things and this is something God has slowly wrestled away from me one finger at a time.
In 2008 we decided enough was enough and with the help of a family member stopped spending on credit (for good we hope) by getting a personal loan to end the endless high interest chase of debt. And we are paying that off at low-interest over several years. So far, as it comes to credit, we are reformed.
But we are continuously asking how do we live more deliberately?
We have begun to ask each other hard questions about cultural expectations, the influence of media on our world view and our children’s minds and souls, asking what is “life-giving, important, and meaningful?” and how should that change the way we spend our money. A recent series at church on Generosity (aptly titled Let’s Get Fiscal) has also had interesting timing for us. And right in the midst of this sermon series and our personal discussion and prayer about fiscal irresponsibility and generosity we had someone in our life that really needs our financial help. We have to face that we don’t have money on hand to help. Because of our financial irresponsibility we cannot help someone that we love and whom we want to help. That hurts and convicts and fits right in to what God’s doing. The timing is striking and as we have sought to listen to God, because he is clearly speaking to us. The sermon series told us startlingly that 3.6 billion people in the world live on $2 or less a day. (Passing the Plate, by Smith, Emerson and Snell) And I heard recently on NPR that more than half of the Egyptians now protesting for a better life live on $2 a day.
I am the “Rich Man.”
As Jesus was starting out on his way to Jerusalem, a man came running up to him, knelt down, and asked, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” “Why do you call me good?” Jesus asked. “Only God is truly good. But to answer your question, you know the commandments: ‘You must not murder. You must not commit adultery. You must not steal. You must not testify falsely. You must not cheat anyone. Honor your father and mother.’e” “Teacher,” the man replied, “I’ve obeyed all these commandments since I was young.” Looking at the man, Jesus felt genuine love for him. “There is still one thing you haven’t done,” he told him. “Go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” At this the man’s face fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions. Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God!” This amazed them. But Jesus said again, “Dear children, it is very hardf to enter the Kingdom of God. In fact, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!” The disciples were astounded. “Then who in the world can be saved?” they asked. Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God.” Then Peter began to speak up. “We’ve given up everything to follow you,” he said. “Yes,” Jesus replied, “and I assure you that everyone who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or property, for my sake and for the Good News, will receive now in return a hundred times as many houses, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and property—along with persecution. And in the world to come that person will have eternal life. But many who are the greatest now will be least important then, and those who seem least important now will be the greatest then.g” (Mark 10, New Living Translation)
Now more than ever, we are thinking about living intentionally and thinking it through carefully. What we do and how we do it impacts, or should, how we spend, how generous we are, how we are able to make choices deliberately and carefully. A recently blog entry by Rachel Held Evans talked about our purpose and essential living in this way:
“It seems to me that there are all of these voices telling me that I need certain things—privacy, boundaries, a 3-bedroom house, a two-car garage, clean neighbors, cool friends, fashionable clothes, TV, junk food, exercise equipment, a plan, a religion, a career, certainty, approval, stacks and stacks of books, and lotion that gives my skin a healthy-looking glow. Rarely do I stop, take stock of how I spend my money and my time, and ask myself—Do I really need this? Is this really essential? What is its purpose?
Donald Miller, in A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, put this way:
The ambitions we have will become the stories we live. If you want to know what a person’s story is about, just ask them what they want. If we don’t want anything, we are living boring stories, and if we want a Roomba vacuüm cleaner, we are living stupid stories. If it won’t work in a story, it won’t work in life.
Why do I write about this? I believe it is a defining sin — conspicuous consumption and the love of money. It is a lack of contentment — my pastor calls it a “cancer of discontentment.” He also reminded us of the prayer of Agur in Proverbs 30. It says:
Surely I am more stupid than any man, And I do not have the understanding of a man. Neither have I learned wisdom, Nor do I have the knowledge of the Holy One. Who has ascended into heaven and descended? Who has gathered the wind in His fists? Who has wrapped the waters in His garment? Who has established all the ends of the earth? What is His name or His son’s name? Surely you know! Every word of God is tested; He is a shield to those who take refuge in Him. Do not add to His words Or He will reprove you, and you will be proved a liar.
Two things I asked of You, Do not refuse me before I die: Keep deception and lies far from me, Give me neither poverty nor riches; Feed me with the food that is my portion, That I not be full and deny You and say, “Who is the LORD?” Or that I not be in want and steal, And profane the name of my God.
Tom and I begin a journey tonight, taking a Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey. I don’t know where it will lead. I don’t know what God is doing. But I invite you to follow along, because surely, I believe, we are not alone. I am tired of this heavy and oppressive way of life.
Are you too suffocating from the weight of the “American Dream?” Are you burdened by consumption without knowing what to do about it?
I invite you to follow along and see what we learn.
5 thoughts on “Something God has slowly wrestled away from me one finger at a time …”
Thanks for this, Melody. Very fortuitous timing in my world, too. I like Dave Ramsey. Very much. Here’s hoping it’s a brilliant ‘next thing’ for you and your family. While we’re not in mountainous debt, apart from student loans and a mortgage, we live month to month and check to check, too. I wrestle with significant, preoccupying discontentment in this area and am heartened to read your post. Thank you!
The culture is constantly sending the message that whatever it is that you do have is not good enough, or too many years out of date or not sexy enough, or not “smart” enough. Tom says we need to turn off the channels that send these messages — tv & cable, internet (ye gads!), magazines, etc. I don’t know because it is just too much for me to sort out one thing at a time. I think we need to back up ten steps and ask: what’s life’s real need? Food and clothing for today some would say. Again, to oversimplified for me. It’s more like which fridge — the one that is from 1970 and is a fixer upper, runs not so energy efficiently but works or a brand new shiny silver one with an ice-maker to boot!? And while we’re at it, the whole kitchen is two decades out of style and don’t get me started on the linoleum. They don’t even make that anymore. Speaking of style, my coat is totally “last year” And our couches are all scratched up from our cats along with the wood the kids have “distressed” for us.
I actually found myself saying recently that I “needed” new glasses. Tom said “your glasses (which are about a year and a half old I think) are totally IN right now.” And I said, “I know. I want to set the trends, not live them.” Bleck! That’s messed up!
Mel, this is a great post. Can’t wait to continue on this journey with you and our life group. The American dream has in many ways become the American darkness. It’s time we learn to live in the light. May it be so!
Yes, hasn’t it?
It’s already amazing.