Dreaming in Color
Am I comfortably settled or am I stuck? When was the last time I dreamt in full color? Of things long forgotten — Of pulse pounding, scary, risky things? Am I fully awake? I used to love the smells, sights, and sounds of Different. Am I sure that this life right in front of me is the one I was meant to live? I am blown by forces stronger than myself. I am carried on the wind into a future I cannot not smell, or see or hear.
I woke up and my dreams today is are so good. I am frantic to see it, to record it and to somehow divine the world Out There.
It may become too unsettling, upsetting, and disjointed for a family to endure. It may be selfish. It may ignore the good places in my life that I have forged with utilitarian sacrifice; sweat and tears given willingly yet with a price. My past, my here – and – now is settled, sometimes stuck, but known and understood. Am I fully alive, if I can not manage to live my Dreams alongside the steady pulse of Love that fills my life every day? Surrounding me. It protects me. And covers me, and I lose myself.
I can breathe, so I must be alive, but I feel stifled by the collision of my Dreams and every day realities. I am alive, but I grow cautious and ever more afraid like dreaming is dangerous. Am I more afraid — to fly — or to fail? Am – I- settled- or- am- I- stuck? Am I fully alive?
I breathe therefore I Am. But what then?
August 25, 2008