Weird, Wacky, Wonderful Life?

Weird, wacky and wonderful at the same time, was returning from this vacation. I’m all upside-down. I’m tired, and head-achy, and did I mention tired and that just makes no sense for someone who spent two weeks doing next to nothing.  I finished reading one book and did little else, though worked overtime as usual […]

Read more

{Don’t Simply Collect Belief, Be Changed}

Life is a dithering between Belief and Disbelief. Walking steadily, drawing Truth toward us like small prized stones found and stuffed quickly into a pocket, along the way. This Walk is unassuming and ordinary; most days are unpretentious, in the hunt for Assurance. Life is full of yearning.  I have learned. I don’t need to fear […]

Read more

Daydream Believer

I break free in my day time dream, away from human suffering.  To float, up, alone and free. Sometimes as I fly away, the clouds are thick that hold me. And I trust they’ll keep me safer than solid ground. Suddenly, free-falling, I understand it was only a dream.Landing hard, here in Wisconsin’s fields. I am still human solidly […]

Read more

An Ode To Joy: When Chasing Significance, Ministry, Motherhood, & Alcohol Isn’t Enough

My daughter thinks she Knows My Dreams, she pushed hard recently trying to get me to admit them. Telling me “Go to seminary and be a pastor that writes, mom. That’s what you want. Just do it.” It’s so easy for her to say, I think to myself, with my incessant dissatisfaction and oh so many fears. […]

Read more

Fear’s Come, Knocking

I rise early As pain wakes me, it is impatient to begin. It’s burning in my leg. I’m despondent, knowing Fear’s come, knocking Licking up my tears, FEAR holds me tight, Comforts, As I sit with her.  I know FEAR Like an old friend. I’ve never known much else, than this devilish companion. My heart […]

Read more

Life is not Pass or Fail: A Mother’s Day Remembrance

I have always seen “weakness” as a defect and here on this blog I say a lot about what I consider to be my own weaknesses – the narrative playing in my head and here on these pages for years has been a fear that I am too broken and weak to be useful at all. […]

Read more

Dancing with the Holy: On Being Broken, Spiritually Mended and Called

It was holy—it was so intimate, so exquisite and precious, that to put it down in words here for you will diminish it immediately. That is the nature of being Spiritually Mended. There I was, clinging. I came with a cavernous pain, my need was huge. I came saying to myself I’m broken into pieces. I’m useless.  But isn’t that […]

Read more

One Day: On Suicide, On Melancholy, On Living … On

It is a silent crucible brimming with ache, mostly inside. If you haven’t experienced true melancholia be glad. And it’s okay to be glad for some who have gone through cancer and depression say they’d take cancer over the adversary of depression which is really astounding. It is difficult to explain and the only reason […]

Read more

A Bad Poem About My Sobriety

SOBER. Antonyms: alcoholic, drinker, drunk, lush, souse, wino I’m Sober today. But I’m clutching at it. And not contentedly. Control is an illusion. I’m powerless, that I can confess. Today, when the whole thing, my duct-taped heart, feels like it’s falling apart and I’m heart racing tired, knowing I should never get.this.way. I think, “If I could I’d smoke then, … What?” But the broken down lungs no longer cooperate. I want […]

Read more

Free To Love One Another or Afraid to be Free?

“if you loved me you’d let me die…” I went with a reluctant, heavy expectation to the Maundy Thursday service. My child’s words ringing in my ears.  My need was great. It hit me, sitting there.  I was in the middle of the Community of God, but felt utterly alone.  And it was all my fault. For I have […]

Read more

Calm Down and Breathe

I’ve learned something profoundly important about myself.  I thrive off difficulties. It’s a tendency of addictive persons. And though it’s not all bad to have this penchant, it can be bad.  There’s good too, to be into problem solving, endlessly considering three steps ahead, to be that type of person that is wondering about the […]

Read more