dylan 2If I could have demanded anything

for my shy and wary child,
would I have begged God

make him less cautious?

Would I have wasted
a wish, a prayer, even a thought
on that part of my personality that I hate

and have come to

Make him less afraid.

Make him less

like me: petrified, wooden, shaken, sick to my stomach

Though I hate it about myself,

could I possibly hate this


my son?

How is this conceivable?
My baby, my flesh, my skin and bones
always crawling away from people

just like me.

I have learned, when the extroverted-overjoyed-inner-glowing-pastor says almost gleefully to
turn to our neighbor, I don’t immediately
run. I have learned.

Still, the bathroom is a cool, echoing, quiet and comforting place just then;
and I can hear
my heart exploding inside me.  Blood pumping, rushing to all extremities.
The fear rushes about me, like pixies dancing, mocking,
Silencing me.

When extroverted-overjoyed-inner- glowing-pastor says:

this is love

I think
I may puke, not because I want to puke
mind you. (What kind of fool would want to throw up in church?)


when will church life be easier for introverts?  And how to tell my kid,
that forcing him to attend Church events is virtuous?

It’s for your own good.

How? I’m thinking.
How? He’s asking.

This isn’t faith, I know. This isn’t my religion.

What’s an introverted mom to do?

Teach him to run?

The answer lies somewhere in between.  Even
with programs bent on making you

your circle shaped heart into their

square pegged hole of a program.

Still, love wins
when you risk.  And for us introverts, some days that’s

just showing up.


6 thoughts on “{Just Like Me: Being Introverted in the Church}

  1. Reblogged this on FairyBearConfessions and commented:
    Ok, I don’t often reblog things, but I read this yesterday and thought it added such a perfect complement to the Naughty Thoughts book review that I should put it here for people to find. The church issues raised in the book were important and fundamental, but I have to say that the culture of extroversion in the evangelical world was an extra dissonance for me – and probably the first and most immediately/urgently felt dissonance. I love my church friends, I just don’t enjoy seeing them at church – my personality feels assaulted by the format. Anyway. Melody Hanson is a lovely blogger.


  2. melody. this is my first time to your written space and – wow. i would just echo what cara said: poignant and provoking, two of my favorite descriptives.

    thank you for being you. i have loved seeing the world through your eyes, and now through your voice.

    much love,


  3. melody. this is my first time to your written space and – wow. i would just like to echo cara’s words: poignant and provoking, two of my favorite descriptives.

    i have loved seeing the world through your eyes….and now your voice.

    thank you for being just you.



Thanks so much for reading and sharing.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s