[BE FEARLESS]

My word for 2012 was ABUNDANCE. Even as I chose that word — abundance, I wasn’t totally sure; seriously, what was I thinking resounded the echoing voices? I have never lived a so-called abundant life.  Was it even possible? Most of my childhood, and early adulthood, I spent afraid, crouching. And I’ve been unable to choose joy, as I’ve…

“Happy” New Year

As anyone who reads this blog knows, I question everything, I resist, I am a seeker. My soul howls and it cries. My heart is frequently conflicted, questioning, keening, searching, longing than finding and being at peace. This causes me to doubt.  This brings great fear. This causes me to wonder if I’m any further along…

{Waiting — An Advent Reflection} Melody Harrison Hanson

I’m pleased to be a part of an Advent Series a friend is running. Most of my life, I have been waiting for God. It’s a spiritual waiting for miracles. Waiting for answers. Waiting for healing in me and in others that I love or have loved. Waiting to feel mercy. Waiting for peace. You…

I Found Love {The Challenge of “Eat This Book”}

I’ve never read the Bible from end to end. I grew up in the church but biblical literacy was not encouraged, until Blackhawk. Reading the ancient books I wondered—does God love me? Who am I to question God? And yet, I regularly bring questions and doubt to my reading of scripture. I cringe reading the…

{Stretching the Canvas of our Imagination}

I’ve tried to sit down and read all day. Instead I’ve placed phone calls to doctors, waited impatiently for return calls from nurses about supplements and medication’s interactions, and run twice to pharmacy and grocery store.  And, on it goes. One child threw up this morning. Another is dealing with headaches of the magnitude that you or…

{We Are All Dying}

The crawl of fear, of losing, is close.  It licks me, as if I am a salty wound.  Everyone dies. Of course. But lately, I am aware of Life all around me healthy or otherwise. Tiny birds are singing a sonnet, high up in the tree. Cancer cells are growing inside a dear old friend. Dementia and…

Who’s listening? On writing and living a Story

The fog crept in steadily. The morning was dreary, unusually dark; so much so that my son asked if the sun was coming today. As I began my morning run I felt the drizzle soaking through the cloth on my arms, but it is unseasonably warm so my legs, bare to the elements, felt refreshed…

{an apology to God}

this is an apology to God, I suppose. if I’ve learned anything over the last few months reading the Bible end to end, it is that God is faithful. He never promised us that life would be pain free, or without problems. Only to be there with us, behind us, ahead of us, around us;…

{reflecting on the past year and turning 46}

I have come far. I have run hard. I feel strong. I am proud of my learning to harness perseverance and need. Twenty seven pounds ago, I hated myself and today I feel lithe and strong.  All this, accomplished with an iron will, though a little obsessively neurotic at times.  I know, I am strong. And this is…

{I Believe}

I believe in God. I believe in God, and  what Jesus did, being human. Living fully, dying to atone for my messes, of which there are many.  That Jesus lives and now is with God the Father.  It is at times confusing and other days simple.  Just believe. Or choose not to, that is your right. I…

Running Toward Life

Writing the first words, after being gone is a little terrifying. I am out of sync. And that’s the greatest crime, the cardinal rule. Bloggers write.  Regularly, with precision and passion without pausing. But I took time off. I had to do it and I know that I was doing the right thing. I did it in order to learn, to read (I read half the Bible),…