How do I make life less bitter?

Why does life crush my bones, and
leave dust in my eyes, bereft of tears?
I blink painfully. Chronic headaches, and yet

I try to be normal.
I wake, breathing in <<live a normal life>>

But always

shards of glass in my lungs

shred me.

Some days,

I am glad for the constant pain.
Let go, I think. Be destroyed.
My spirit suggests sweetly in what would be a relief

to release the mental suffering.

But living is a requirement of life.
Living for others is enough, isn’t it?

Then, there are days

like today when my confusion is paramount.

What would it feel like to be happy?

What do I do if I have to be alive for a long time?

How do I make it less bitter?

Make each breath less painful, the shards less sharp?

How do I live with a head that hurts too frequently?

What is bearable?

How many people can one lose and still believe in this life?

I hate my brain.
I hate my head.
I hate my heart.
I hate each breath,
Some days. Not always.
But today.