My Very Little Faith

1. As it turns out I have A Very Little Faith. Perhaps I am a product of my human father who believed personal greatness was achieved through his tenacious hard work. Having a false humility, showing off A Very Big Faith, I saw that it was one that didn’t fundamentally change his character. Not really. This…

The Dust Bunnies and the Broken Hearts of Mental Illness

I say the things aloud. It is an effort. I want to make them come true. “I will clean today. I will cook dinner. I will go to the bank.” Even as I speak the words I know how unlikely it is that I will be able to do more than sit here. Breathing under water is life…

A Crack in Your Life, That’s How the Light Gets In

I spent most of my life numb and afraid. I spent the next while trying to fix myself.  Then, I began to let go of control. Now life is a daily letting go. “Maybe you have to have a crack in your disbelief, that’s how the light gets in.” I am fighting, kicking and screaming…

Family in Town (a poem about family, loss, addiction, and change)

Family in town and from out of town sometimes means heavy remembering, and just a little trying to forget though you are no longer disappearing. Into the bottle. Family in town means many goings-on, even when you’re sick and tired.  It means running out of money. It means trying hard to make everyone happy.  Trying…

Choking

You choke on the words. You hurt me. Three simple words, a confrontation that won’t come. The fear-scab comes off the child-grown-up-into-woman wound. The mutilation, scarred over long enough   that you had actually forgotten. Again. Impossible. You needed to forget. Until mother-sister-blood family rips it off again. Their indifference, your insignificance, that’s what you need…

On Parenting Deeply and Well

Parenting is undoubtedly the most difficult job I’ve ever done. Can I admit it here — it’s not instinctive for me? It’s not intuitive. Though Tom will argue voraciously with me on this, and has, the fact remains that I do not feel like a good mother. Many times I wonder what I was thinking…

SOME DAY: A poem about Siblings (Not) Getting Along

Some Day Some day I won’t have to ask the question: Why do siblings war? This I know. Tattered hearts are the consequence. It is said by some that soon you will be the best of friends.  And so I listen from the next room, and wonder and think it is said so assuredly, but…

Tom’s Music on Primetime CBS show

My lovely husband.  I am so proud of him.  Although his ‘day job’ is wonderful and he’s an amazing leader of his organization, I know that his passion is his music which does in his off hours. Last year he completed his 2nd album, ironically titled Everything Takes Forever, a five year project?! It’s a…