I Poke at My Heart To Know It is Still There. I Hold on To Belief, Clutching.

I have so many things going on. The heaviest specifics, I don’t dare to write about. These are Heavy, hard days of—if not Suffering —Pain.  But I know so many, many people going through Pain.  In that, we are not alone, but being a writer and photographer comes with a price.  I know what’s happening […]

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{My Silence, Depression’s Lies, and Faith}

I LIVE depression is a liar wailing. it hates you as much as you hate it.  and you know, you fear eventually the battle will be won. you may not be the victor. still you will fight  the raging storm inside your brain. to stop would be suicide. life goes on, you cannot stop for Love remains. […]

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Weird, Wacky, Wonderful Life?

Weird, wacky and wonderful at the same time, was returning from this vacation. I’m all upside-down. I’m tired, and head-achy, and did I mention tired and that just makes no sense for someone who spent two weeks doing next to nothing.  I finished reading one book and did little else, though worked overtime as usual […]

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{Don’t Simply Collect Belief, Be Changed}

Life is a dithering between Belief and Disbelief. Walking steadily, drawing Truth toward us like small prized stones found and stuffed quickly into a pocket, along the way. This Walk is unassuming and ordinary; most days are unpretentious, in the hunt for Assurance. Life is full of yearning.  I have learned. I don’t need to fear […]

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Reading Hebrews: Study Jesus, Grow Up & Run

I read the book of Hebrews through this morning in THE MESSAGE, a translation by the legendary and wise, brilliant pastor and author Eugene Peterson.  All these thoughts come directly from that reading.  When I used Peterson’s words, I tried to give “credit” but this is completely my interpretation of his translation.  Don’t blame him for my ignorance […]

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An Ode To Joy: When Chasing Significance, Ministry, Motherhood, & Alcohol Isn’t Enough

My daughter thinks she Knows My Dreams, she pushed hard recently trying to get me to admit them. Telling me “Go to seminary and be a pastor that writes, mom. That’s what you want. Just do it.” It’s so easy for her to say, I think to myself, with my incessant dissatisfaction and oh so many fears. […]

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Dancing with the Holy: On Being Broken, Spiritually Mended and Called

It was holy—it was so intimate, so exquisite and precious, that to put it down in words here for you will diminish it immediately. That is the nature of being Spiritually Mended. There I was, clinging. I came with a cavernous pain, my need was huge. I came saying to myself I’m broken into pieces. I’m useless.  But isn’t that […]

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Living a Life Worthy of Writing. It’s Complicated

It is Virginia Woolf who is credited with the notion that for most of history anonymous was a woman. I thought of that yesterday when a friend (who is more like a mentor) was intently praising me on my writing and expressed that I should continue. Then she said, “Perhaps you should write under a […]

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The Writing Life, the Power of Voice

Life is pathways that become our Story; where we meet the Holy One and God renews us.  These realities run parallel to one another, making life unbelievably complex. I am a woman, a mother, daughter, and sister while being a life-partner and friend.  And I’m a writer, a creative photographer, a poet, bringing logic and imagination […]

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I BELIEVE, HELP!

I cannot see the future. That’s what makes today hard faith, not constructs, conjecture or speculation. This is faith in the Present Personal God. And the unknown, unwritten, unlived days ahead, and today a (not so) Simple Practice. Today I have my need, absurdly. My inability to hope beyond a millisecond, my fear, my lack […]

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I’m Already Drowning

The noise of him rising wakes me, suddenly aware of morning.  I must have slept, for I am now fully awake. Before any awareness of the day a familiar dread pounds inside, stomach lurching. Life’s burdens stream in, pooling around as the bed floats. A Swelling river of tears, and fear and heartache.  I’m already […]

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