{A Miscarriage of a Life – a post Mother’s Day Lament}

Yesterday I told myself over and over — I have had a miscarriage of a life. The day before, I spent all day celebrating my older sister as she received a doctorate of ministry in preaching from the Lutheran School of Theology at Chicago.  Yes, I was happy for her but I could not enjoy the…

My Grown Up Days

The jubilee that I thought this life would be, is more often drudgery, a never-ending ache, stinging salty tears, an albatross, when I had imagined my grown up days to be a dance. Clinging to the Cross, I trace its rough textures, acutely knowing what is there. For I know my own failings to my core, my dim faith, my inner…

What’s changing, so that I can be writing!

This is such a busy time for folks with kids.  We are living the last month or so of school and for whatever reason my kids seem to teeter on the brink of things this year academically, spiritually, emotionally — this has been a challenging and demanding year.  With summer looming, there will be any opportunities to…

When you are Afraid of Home

It was stunning for me to realize that I had no anxiety the entire time I was away at the Festival of Faith & Writing. The thought of returning home brought the familiar burning in my chest — so unwelcome.  I do not want to accept its presence. And just for a minute I know that…

When I’m Scared

Scared. Scared shitless and no plan to make it better, makes for a very hard week.  Too much comparison with others’ lives, careers, talents, jobs,  kids, health, weight, even others’ sense of humor.  It all kills all my joy.  Not enough trust kills my ability to enjoy my incredibly blessed life.  Constantly thinking about all…

Watching my Father Die, What I Learned

Whether I die of a prolonged fight with cancer or go quickly in a mishap, I hope that I will have no regrets. I hope that I die knowing that my life pleased God. I watched my father die and learned something.  For whatever reason, Dad couldn’t let go of his life. He died resisting,…

I am human. Join me. (Thoughts on faith, confession and writing)

Part two of … this.  A response. You know it’s funny.  Several people responded to what I wrote today with what I found to be a slightly odd, or at least a surprising response to me.  Okay, odd isn’t fair.  They expressed concern.   You need to know something. If I have gotten to the place of putting…