I first noticed them arrive
as the two women settled their kids and husbands in two rows
in front of us in the stands.
Then the men were gone.
I saw how they laughed playfully, sitting close.
One touching the back of her friend. Whispering
to one another. This was intimate familiar territory.
I thought it seemed to be an attraction
which was clearly more than friends.
Suddenly her husband appeared and she turned her back,
Completely forgetting the friend, to fall asleep
on his shoulder.
The game began.
After a long while the boy, her son, looked
back questioningly, eyebrows raised.
Then both children look again
at her and at the man. Not asking with words, but clearly wondering
what’s wrong? They needed to know what’s going on.
He shrugs again. And then again, when they glance back later.
His shrug is slow and heavy
as if to say: he doesn’t know why she’s asleep.
But he knows.
I don’t know. Not yet. At first, it seemed innocent, even to me.
The game was Hockey and I have to admit it held little interest. So
my curiosity with this hauntingly familiar scene grew. I couldn’t help
Staring. Wondering. A nagging sense of foreboding as the woman slept on.
And the kids are cheering. Knowing
but not wanting to know.
Startled I see that she has thrown up into her hand.
All over herself, and him. As he tries to comfort her,
and then to clean her up without anyone noticing she begins to weep.
He was so gentle as he whispered into her sticky hair
all the things I knew he didn’t believe. It’s going to be alright. HUSH… It will be okay.
Shame
Falls
Heavily
like a wool blanket
on her shoulders as she continues to weep
quietly into his shoulder. Wiping her own mouth again and again.
The smell of alcohol and the stench of puke finally reaches me. Then
without thinking I unwind my gray scarf from my neck to help.
Hesitantly at first. I thought
against it. These thoughts almost made me sit back again, as
I re-twisted my scarf back around my neck.
What would I have wanted?
How do you love like He would in a moment like this?
So, unwinding quickly I tap softly on his shoulder to hand to him the gray rayon scarf. Wordless
for there are no words. He knows.
The moment s l o w s in time when he won’t let go of my hand.
The hockey game fades.
I don’t hear the screaming fans or feel the cold air in the stadium.
All I feel is his warm hand on mine.
And his panic.
He does not know what to do.
It flows into me, his fear, his sorrow because this isn’t the first time.
His tears, welling deeply inside.
As he presses down on my hand it all flowed into me.
In that second, a moment of passing so briefly, I know again
the shame which falls so heavily.
As I remember my own.
Finally, pulling my hand away, I sat
through that game as if I were that woman, again.
The children mine. The friends and husband
all — unsure. Afraid. Watchful. Not knowing what to do.
This morning, I am grateful for my sobriety.
And wonder, of all the thousands of people in the stands last night, why did this woman sit in front of me?
I saw what it was like to be the sober ones. And hope I never forget
the frightened doe-like eyes of her children.
I will add this to my frayed two and a half year old,
yellow, 3 x 5 card of reasons I am gratefully sober today.
Shame
Falls
Heavily
But I am no longer the Woman.
—————————————
Some of the things I have written about my alcoholism:
I often wonder if I am too hard on the memory of my father. As the years go by the memories fade good and bad ones. A couple of things happened this weekend that made me think of my father. He died in his early sixties. He should have had another thirty years.
92-year old Billy Graham was interviewed recently. He has come to the time of his life when he spends a lot of time alone, requiring the care of others. I suppose that stage of things makes one reflective.
When asked to give advice to those who are aging he said “Accept it! And thank God every day for the gift of that day.”
I do dread getting old. And yet I have this idea that I will just sort of live on in perpetuity with my body and mind falling apart. I have joked that I want to be euthanized to save everyone the misery of my madness gone out of control.
My father wouldn’t accept that he was sick or was going to die, so much so that he refused to talk about when he was gone. Even when he was diagnosed with brain tumors in regions of his brain that would leave him without speech and would impact his ability to sort out emotion. And yet as he slowly left us, his body breaking down from the chemotherapy and his mind slowly slipping away from us, he became meaner. And more confused about reality. And eventually he couldn’t form words. One or two here and there in the week that he died were like small gifts to those who received them.
His very last words to me, when I told him I loved him, were “I love you more.”
When he was still cognizant and before the surgery he did to his credit want to clear the air. Those last conversations differed for each of us daughters. In mine, I spoke more than he did. Fearful, I told him his anger and disappointment with me over the years had shaped my life. He listened and accepted. He spoke the words of apology. It would have been miraculous and life changing had he not then gone on to spend an hour with my sister berating and criticizing her for how she managed money. He wanted some money my parents had loaned her.
I felt responsible for that. My conversation had been unexpectedly positive and though a lifetime of experiences told her not to she trusted him and met with him. He crushed her as he had each of us so many times over the years.
That’s what he left us. He left no letters for us. He left without any parting advice or even the last word. Ironically, the man who always had the last word in life refused to believe he was going to die. He was going to get back out there to continue God’s work. He believed he had time.
When asked of his regrets Graham said “he would spend more time at home with his family, study more and preach less.” Wow! I think every MK and PK alive today longs to hear those words from their parents. He wished he had spent more time with his family. My dad prayed for healing to get back out there, not a few more months of life so that he could treasure his family and say his goodbyes. He wanted to get back out there and reach our world for Christ. (At that time it was his work in China.)
Graham continued:
“God has a reason for keeping us here (even if we don’t always understand it), and we need to recover the Bible’s understanding of life and longevity as gifts from God—and therefore as something good. Several times the Bible mentions people who died “at a good old age”—an interesting phrase (emphasis added). So part of my advice is to learn to be content, and that only comes as we accept each day as a gift from God and commit it into his hands. Paul’s words are true at every stage of life, but especially as we grow older: “Godliness with contentment is great gain” (1 Tim. 6:6).
I miss my dad. He was never content. And I’ve concluded that he had to die for the rest of us to live. I know those are harsh thoughts. Do I really believe that God “took him” or did his life finally just end? I will never know and it doesn’t really matter does it? What I do know is the result of his death. I could not break free from the chains of my experiences with him and my mother. I did not have the strength or the knowledge of how to do that. In the end, he left and I became free.
Could I have experienced the growth of the last eight years with him still alive? Not so quickly. Or intentionally. Or in the same way. He was such a force. He was IRON in my life, but as iron sharpens iron, iron on something weak shapes it in the ways it wants.
So why so much talk of legacy and more time and regrets? Because it is a bittersweet thing to lose a parent when they were a coercive fury in your life. Choking. Compelling. And yet all that you knew of love.
At times I cannot imagine that I am raising children in the world today. Nor can I imagine expecting them to live in the world we are creating for them. I can only respond with the discipline of faith, hope and love to this world full of suffering, poverty and injustice — genocide, food crises, unjust and expensive wars, oil dependency and overpopulation. And I’m just getting started. It is all devastating.
On a blog this morning I read the termpost-evangelical1 so I went to the web to figure out what he meant. After reading just a bit my knee jerk reaction I must admit is that I am a post-evangelical too.
But looking at it more closely I think the term is stupid — ill named. Evangelical means “gospel” or “good news.”
I am a believer in the gospel. What I do not believe in are the many people who call themselves Christians but they are truly fringe, fundamentalists — I believe some in the media call them ironically “the religious right.” I think the term post-evangelical came out of a reaction to fundamentalists. And out of the desire to distance themselves, get as far away as one can from being identified like one. I can relate! I feel like I am constantly denying that I am a “FOX News Christian…”
I used to call myself a recovering evangelicalbecause I felt those sort of Christians tarnish the witness of Christ and are frankly embarrassing. So as much as I want to remove myself from the label and image of evangelical Christian I cannot say I am a post-evangelical. I’m still an evangelical.
I cannot get away from the truth that I attend a 75% white mega-church in middle-class America. It’s of the EFCA denomination which I mostly know nothing about. But I have chosen not become a member officially because they don’t ordain women or allow them, — er– us, to be considered for eldership. But, for better or worse I am a part of “evangelicalism” because I attend, give and take part in an evangelical Christian church.
But the world is changing around the evangelical church and I believe there are areas that we must be responsive to the culture.
We must find ways to talk about these things within the Church without it creating partisan or contentious quarreling. Without being perceived as a trouble maker.
We must forcefully adhere to the Word of God. But study it first and foremost ourselves and not base our assumptions on what others tell us!
We must understand the cultural times we’re living in... Loaded words I know…
I feel strongly that these three things are incredibly important for the future of the Church and the future of our witness, yes us, evangelical Christians. And with that in mind there are real barriers to people feeling welcome in our churches.
These are the things that I think are wrong with (many) evangelical churches. The reasons that Christianity is so distasteful to many people outside of the church. These are the barriers as I see them.
Excessive focus on personal psychological growth and individualism
Lack of theological depth coming from lack of personal study, understanding or wish to know the scripture individually
Narrow and/or partisan political viewswhich are unsubstantiated by scripture
Lack of engagement in the culture: art, media, and society and/or a withdrawal from society and culture.
Lives caught up in the pursuit of materialism and consumerism
Insensitivity toward and lack of love for people who areLGBT or Q
Lack of engagement of the role of women in leadership of the church.
Ignoring social justice within the church.
Ignorance as it relates to white power and male power and how that impacts minority groups and women within the Church.
(I got this originally off Wikipedia amazingly. I rewrote it to better express my views. )
I have no therefore.
I simply think that this list is worth mulling over.
As Christ has made himself real to me — through a growing understanding and awareness of the incarnation and God’s grace in my life — I have had to face that God wants something from me. Do I have any idea what this looks like long-term? No. And it is a constant heartache not knowing exactly how to respond to Him. Yes, faith is a mystery and to wrestle with the what, and the who, and to respond has become the most challenging call in my life to date.
I continue to pray for peace, hope and love in my choices and actions and attitudes. For that is our challenge and lifelong discipline to figure out how to do that daily. Forif we lose hope of receiving from Jesus soon will come despair. We must be steadfast in our unconditional love of others and today do peace. Do hope. Do love. For in the end thatisthe Church of Christ. Isn’t it?
MHH
1″The term evangelical has its etymological roots in the Greek word for “gospel” or “good news”: ευαγγελιον (evangelion), from eu- “good” and angelion “message.” In that sense, to be evangelical would mean to be a believer in the gospel, that is the message of Jesus Christ.”
that I don’t deserve this gift that you gave me.
Though I haven’t e a r n e d a n y t h i n g.
Knowing
that I am broken. This heart inside of me is corrupt.
Aware
that my flesh is stronger than my will.
Flawed
I live with a certainty that I will choose the things that dishonor you.
You came to die. You came to love.
You alone are God. And I am your beloved child.
Of course
it is no longer about me. I must ask
How can I die? Who must I love?
January 17, 2011
“The Christian gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering and sniveling. I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself nor less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less.” — Tim Keller, The Reason For God
“Faith is different from theology because theology is reasoned, systematic, and orderly, whereas faith is disorderly, intermittent, and full of surprises … Faith is homesickness. Faith is a lump in the throat. Faith is less a position on than a movement toward, less a sure thing than a hunch. Faith is waiting.” — Frederick Buechner
It’s the new year. Which means nothing really except a calendar roll over. It provides an opportunity to reconsider our focus and intentions. The children continue with their job of school. Husband continues with work and musical passions. He started a shoe-gaze type rock band in 2010 and that will continue to be his focus outside of work. We each continue with the opportunities before us. At church we are taught to love where we live; that’s my challenge in 2011, as I seek clarity about …well, me.
What I’m Learning.
I’ve thought hard over the past few years and realized that I am stuck in a way. As God has done this incredible work in my heart, mind and soul and then put me back together into the person of his making, rather than being confident in the transformation, I have grown afraid. Fearing the hell of depression returning I’ve grown cautious and careful, reluctant to take risks of any kind or to believe in the possibilities of my future. I have forgotten how to believe that I have a future and a hope. Sounds strange and odd to me as I write it down but as I sat at coffee this week with a new friend, we talked about our areas of brokenness and healing. I expressed my worry that my “mess” is impacting my children in negative ways. I was expressing the worry I have over my complicity.
I realized in a flash of insight that I have carried an awful load on my back. A load of fear. And in many ways of doubt and lack of faith! Doubt that God has plans to use me … any more. Doubt that I have something unique to give … to the global plan of God or even local Madison. Doubt — nagging at my soul, tearing at my heart, filling my mind, even consuming my hope.
If I could sum up what I feel God has led me to and through in the last few years, it is found in the lyrics of the song Holiness by Sonicflood.
Holiness, holiness is what I long for, Holiness is what I need. Holiness, holiness is what You want from me.
So, take my heart and form it. Take my mind and transform it. Take my will and conform it. To Yours, to Yours, oh, Lord.
Faithfulness, faithfulness is what I long for. Faithfulness is what I need. Faithfulness, faithfulness is what You want from me.
Brokenness, brokenness is what I long for. Brokenness is what I need. Brokenness, brokenness is what You want from me.
This path and my story over the last few years has been about the metamorphosis of my person. A reshaping. A tempering. An internal spiritual revolution if you can forgive the dramatic way of expressing it. But it has been nothing less! Healing implies God is finished, which is untrue. But He allowed me to fall apart and he put me back together again. And I learned a few things from those years of pain.
… I know God has given me the spiritual gift of Mercy. I have never been more sure of anything. Painfully sure, to a point that I question His care because it hurts so. But I am learning what to do with that. There is so much more I need to know about this and what to do with it.
… I know God has given me a Voice through writing and my photography — a way of speaking that people listen to. A way of telling the truth. I am learning to hone it. And learning to listen to Him. I seek more quiet spaces in order to listen well. I find the noise of life to be debilitating and soul sucking! My ability to listen to God and to listen to my heart, mind and soul and believe in my ideas is also progressing.
… I know God has put in me a thirst, a hunger, a hollowed-out cavern of unsatisfied need for the WORD of God which I cannot live without satisfying. I want to know what to do with it? And so I wait.
... I know that God has given me “eyes and ears” for the Ancient Tears of Women through out the history of the Church and perhaps this is a part of the heart of mercy. I do not know why, but I do hear them crying. And I know something must be done, said, understood, written so that future women & girls do not have that same spiritual pain. I live in it, breath it in and out. Their tears and cries echo in my soul becoming my tear, my cry for justice, mercy and hope for women in the Church. As I said, I don’t know why. I don’t know what I am to do with it yet. And so I wait.
… I am impatient to see and understand why I have these gifts and why I hear these voices with an equal measure of apprehension and anticipation.
… I confess that I have not trusted God or believed that I have a good future ahead of me. In my years of being broken down, losing e v e r y t h i n g that I knew to be true and solid, God has taken the shards of what I once was, swept them up and formed me into something else — someone other than who I once was. I just haven’t believed that this someone could be useful to God.
You see in those years, I was driven. And insecure. Hungry for authority and power, for significance. Passionate,zealous and perfectionistic. Continuously pushing myself. Never satisfied with my work. Rarely satisfied with others and overly judgmental, critical and irritated. I became lonely, sad, and most importantly spiritually lacking a true faith. I was bereft and lost as up until a few years ago I did not comprehend that Jesus died for me — yes, if I were the only one here on earth Jesus would have given his life for me — my life, my sin. Me. I could not accept that. I didn’t not understand G R A C E.
And then God began to work. And though painful it is beautiful.
But I still don’t want to live a small life.
“I live a small life. Well, valuable but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it or because I haven’t been brave?” — Meg Ryan’s character in You’ve Got Mail.
I fear insignificance and I fear my need for the opposite. The search for significance has run deep in me. As long as I can remember I believed that God had “saved” my life for a reason. As a toddler I choked on a peanut and through a series of dangerous events came close to a predicted death (This was in Papua New Guinea and Australia in 1968) but God intervened; At least that is what I have always believed — that He saved me for a reason and I have been searching for that reason my entire life.
I have been Searching.
Do you believe this? I think I do.
“When God created humankind in the divine image, the highest expression of that image is the power to be a decision maker. In this sense, one is never complete, but is always being formed by the decisions we make. If this be true, God casts the responsibility on us to choose that which is best for us. These choices come inevitably from the judgments we make about what reflects our highest selves. Each one of us is a unique person, with gifts, abilities and desires that give us the opportunities for creativity. To discover who we are and what those deep desires of our hearts mean gives us the clue to making decisions about what we do with our lives. If we choose wisely, we will experience the joy of growing a self and offering it as a source of strength to others. This does not mean that God is not with us in the critical moments of decision-making. Through prayer and meditation, we have access into the divine Presence that provides guidance and inspiration. God is never so pleased as when we stand up and make a moral decision that reflects our desire to live at the highest and most useful level attainable.” —The Rev. Dr. Brooks Ramsey
To end where I began, with Beuchner, I am reminded that “faith is disorderly, intermittent, and full of surprises…. Faith is homesickness. Faith is a lump in the throat. Faith is less a position on than a movement toward, less a sure thing than a hunch. Faith is waiting.”
Yes, I am waiting with a lump in my throat. I’ve learned some things. I anticipate the new year with hope and joy.
I have been reflecting on what Luci Shaw says, “anticipation lifts the heart.”
But if I am completely honest, I have found the waiting of this season to be excruciating. These weeks of in-between, of surrender, of emptying, of letting go and ultimately, the truth of knowing that what is coming, the Son of God coming as a Babe, it is so undeserved. This anticipation feels uncomfortable.
“Faith is giving permission” Richard John Neuhaus says. “The gift has already been given and forever is now for those who have given God permission to let life be a gift.”
Mary, the mother of Jesus, anticipated his birth like any mother would if she were hugely pregnant! And our waiting for the Babe is like being engulfed with pregnant expectation. The women reading, who have carried a child in their womb know this feeling. The weight changes you! (by which I do not mean ‘weight gain’ but rather the feeling of being weighed down by what is to come). Changes how you walk, how you sit, how you sleep (or don’t!) Day after day you wake, wondering if this is the day! You are full of anticipation that the babe might come today and you are rather helpless as to its timing.
Paul gives us a description of waiting in the New Testament book of Romans, as rendered by Eugene Peterson,
“Waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.”
I’m challenged to turn my impatience into a contentment I do not feel. I don’t want to rush. I don’t want to worry. Will this gift appeal or meet the expectation? Who will surely be disappointed? Who is longing for something else. That’s bogus! I hate it. I want to sit “enlarged” by the waiting for the Babe.
This year, I feel as if I am waiting for something more.
It has been a long time coming. I do not know what I am doing with myself, my future, my career, what I am learning, my searching and my growing, with finding my voice and finding myself. This has all been happening so slowly, for the most part. At times it comes in fits and bursts that have amazed me! But it has felt glacial in most other cases. It has been a decade of anticipation.
Some days this is distressing. And there are days when I completely lack any vision for my life – for its grander purpose. I scream at God, impatiently. If I had quote that sums it up now, it might be this:
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. ~ Albert Einstein
But as we question and wait, we must be clear about something else. The book of James incredibly says it: “Let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete.” Oh, how I long to be mature and complete. Less striving. More peaceful waiting.
And Shaw finally, “Pain, grief, consternation, even despair, need not diminish us. They can augment us by adding to the breadth and depth of our experience, by enriching our spectrum of light and darkness, by keeping us from impulsively jumping into action before the time is ripe, before ‘the fullness of time.’ I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope.”
It is his Son that I long for in this last week of Advent. Oh, there is more that I wonder about but I know ultimately that the Babe is all I need.
————————– God With Us: Rediscovering the Meaning of Christmas.
I am going through one of my phases where I feel extremely disappointed by organized religion. Like Michael Jinkins, in Called to Be Human, I don’t understand what spiritual means any more than I understand what it means to be religious — but I know that today they are a pale imitation of what they should be, could be and this must grieve God. It is almost an insult to be called “religious” today whereas “spiritual” can mean almost anything and is somehow in its inclusivity found to be admirable.
“Faith is a matter of trust and reverence more than it is a matter of beliefs and belief systems. This is not to say that beliefs are irrelevant. It matters a great deal whom you trust and what you hold sacred. But the older I get, the more I see that life is mystery and the less certainty I possess. I take more of life on faith. I trust a lot more than I know. So my beliefs have become increasingly modest in their claims while they have become more extravagant in their hopes.”
When troubles come, when I am still, when I feel most devastated by this life, deep inside I know that the Babe of Christmas is real.
The Babe of the incarnation is not anything to do with sentimentality and materialism. Though my whole being is crushed by this season and though it is too strong to say that I hate Christmas — what it has become — My heart and soul are dragged down this time of year. And I know with certainty that I lack the courage to do something different with it.
I am no longer a child — the wonder of the season is gone.
I am so disenchanted by it all that I have trouble relishing “the silent and holy night, the sweet and heavenly peace” that the song speaks of. The Creator God entered into creation which is totally wrecked by our sin and He doesn’t hate nor is he disgusted by you and me, rather God takes our inconsistency, and selfishness and betrayal — the mess of our human heart and what we have done to this season — and by becoming the Babe he took it all.
That I can believe.
Christmas can be — Advent should be — about that recovery of our hearts. But it is so difficult and intangible if we cannot slow down our spiritually corrupt minds and souls and be conscious of the mysterious and ancient ways of experiencing time and place in the spiritual realm.
Advent, in the high church, was meant to begin the sacred year because it begins with anticipating the Babe. The Church also uses the act of remembering those Saints whose lives are an example to us all. For me, it is easy to look at those throughout history who were Saints and Martyrs of the church and believe. The act of remembering, through liturgy and worship whether corporate or in isolation, is beautiful and sweet. But it is the actions we take — today, now — “the physical gestures, prayers, or other customs — that make faith a tangible presence.” This is the Babe — the incarnation — this is why we offer our worship.
Advent is the time when we prepare for the mystery of the Babe — the arrival of God with us — God incarnate. My heart wrestles with the truth as my actions seem to do something else. It’s relentless — the gluttony of the Thanksgiving meal, then the shopping, endless carols playing on every radio, the searching for “happy” — that at a certain point I shut down.
And that is where I find myself today.
Advent seems that is should be more solemn, a time of anticipating. The mystery and miracle of Christmas is the Babe’s birth. We are challenged to be winnowing and sifting in our heart and preparing ourselves for when He comes. And it becomes clear that we are simply searching for God in all of our flurry and activity.
“God is that greater than which cannot be thought.”
God is Inconceivable. Incomprehensible. Unbelievable. That is our God. That is (perhaps) why God came in the form of the Babe — Immanuel, which means “God with us.” As I sit here wrestling with the truth that I have to work to find him, God is here. With us. Searching for us, some say. God is not lost. We have become lost — so distracted by the eating and drinking and shopping and giving and receiving, the singing and serving — lost by it all.
Advent means coming. Christ came. Christ comes. Christ will come again. In this Advent season, as we search for the Babe, we only need to understand more fully what that means. “God is enfleshed in our humanity.”
We only need to wake up and receive the gift that is already given, the fact that we are found by Emmanuel, God with us.
MH
——————————————–
Called to Be Human: LETTERS TO MY CHILDREN ON LIVING A CHRISTIAN LIFE, Michael Jinkins.
GOD WITH US: Rediscovering the Meaning of Christmas, authored by Scott Cairns, Emilie Griffin, Richard John Neuhaus, Kathleen Norris, Eugene Peterson, Luci Shaw. Edited by Greg Pennoyer & Gregory Wolfe.
I like my church. They don’t tell me what to think or what to do. Let me explain. They do not tell me how to vote.
It just feels wrong for a person of spiritual authority to tell others how they should vote. The “correct” vote isn’t partisan — it can’t be. As people of a community I believe we must vote with our minds and hearts, considering both what is good for ourselves, as well as what is good for others.
I was just a few days ago writing about thinking of others more highly than yourself. I think this applies …
when it comes to how you vote.
when it comes to politics.
when it comes to what we say in public discourse.
I also think that we should figure out how to be civil, even as we disagree sometimes vehemently with one another. Let’s not make decisions about each other based on certain issues and where another person might stand.
Our nation has become so divided and it seems to me that politicians don’t even know how to do their jobs any more.
Using the system to hold all votes, no matter what the issue, so that you can keep tax cuts for the wealthiest small percentage of the nation is WRONG as well as holding up legislation that with help the unemployed.
Give the wealthiest Americans a tax cut and history suggests they will save the money rather than spend it. … President Barack Obama wants to extend the cuts for individuals earning less than $200,000 and couples earning less than $250,000 while ending them for those who earn more. More here.
Who do they work for? The wealthiest in our nation or the people?
Even as Congress debates whether to extend emergency unemployment checks for more than six million Americans who are approaching the 99-week limit, some four million others are facing the certain end of their benefits over the next year, unless an entirely new program is crafted. More…
I agree with Jim Wallis, that President could have, even should have, fought harder this week. Backed into a corner is no place to negotiate so I feel for him as well.
The richest 2 percent of the country just got an extension of tax cuts they didn’t need at great cost to us all. President Barack Obama should have been fighting against the self-interest of the very wealthiest Americans long before this. So he is now backed into a corner, and just made a compromise that he thinks is the best deal possible when up against the clock. He got some good things for working families in the payroll tax cut, the extension of unemployment benefits, various refundable tax credits, and the important middle class tax cut. But the president is now presiding over the great redistribution of wealth that has been going on for a very long time — the redistribution of wealth from the middle and the bottom to the top of American society — and leaving us with the most economic inequality in American history. (Emphasis mine) This will only grow larger with the Obama “compromise.”
Bread for myself
is a material question.
Bread for my neighbor
is a spiritual one.
— Nicholas Berdyaev
I believe every choice we make is a statement of who we are and what we prioritize. For people of faith, our priorities must always lie with the poor and most vulnerable. Extending the Bush tax cuts for the most fortunate while ending unemployment benefits and cutting back services for the poor does not reflect well on the values of faithful Americans.
For that reason, I have signed the following letter (led spiritual leaders in our nation. There is also one led my Millionaires.) urging Washington to let tax cuts for the most fortunate expire as scheduled at the end of the year. I’ve put an excerpt below.
To me the bottom line is be a person who thinks for themselves. Search scripture to determine how Jesus would have responded here. We are each moral people who must be guided by our conscience.
But going back to the question and conversation of civility, I wholehearted agree that we – as a larger society (and as a Christian community) need to learn how to be civil:
We need to learn how to listen.
We need to speak without shouting and screaming.
We need to not to accuse and attack.
We need to stop demonizing one another or prominent leaders.
We need to be better informed.
We need to agree to give space to disagree. It’s ok.
We need to learn where we agree and see how we can work together.
But as Christians, we need to agree that the most significant aspects of our relationship are not our politics, our political views, or our political affiliations but that we are connected together as brothers and sisters in Christ.
Who are we? Who is our community? Who are you? Who is your community? How does how you vote reflect that?
Philippians 2.1-11 says:
“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united in Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.
In your relationships with one another, have the same attitude of mind Christ Jesus had: Who, being the very nature of God, did not consider equality of God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a human being, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death–even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”
MH
Almost 50 million Americans wonder where their next meal is coming from. One in 5 children live in poverty and many Americans are out of work. At the same time, there are more millionaires in our country today than at the peak of the market in 2007. In the last 30 years, the wealthiest 1% have seen their incomes increase almost 300% while regular Americans are worse off.
We have a responsibility to balance our budgets. We have an equal responsibility to make sure that burden is carried by those who can most afford it. Giving benefits to the rich while denying them to the poor is a sin. As citizens of this country and people of faith, we have an obligation to those in need. The book of Proverbs puts it quite simply: “He who oppresses the poor to increase his wealth and he who gives gifts to the rich–both come to poverty” (Prov 22:16 NIV).
We believe that our own good is tied up into the common good; that we will meet the challenges of today not just as individuals but together as a nation. We are grateful for the leadership of the PATRIOTIC MILLIONAIRES who have stepped forward to ask that their tax cuts expire. We hope you will heed their counsel.
May God bless the leadership of you and the Congress, and may God bless America to be a blessing to the world.
I woke up “in a state.” I cannot shake the foreboding I feel. It conjures up thoughts of very bleak times in my life.
But I start my day just like any other by popping out of bed, drinking strong coffee, sitting and opening my heart to the day.
Days like this I cannot run from or even slip out from under out of timidity, no matter how hard I try. The gloominess sticks to me. That is until I figure out what’s bothering me. I’ve learned, if I don’t slow down and pay attention to it, this mood will pitch a tent inside me, lurking there for as long as it takes. Eventually plundering my heart and mind. And if I’m not careful, my soul.
Shivering from the fear of it, I cede to the fact that I must not ignore it so some things won’t get done today. I resolve not to be overcome by the anxious ideas or allow my heart to be looted by what I cannot tease out. My thoughts like are tangled and knotted up in such a way that the only result is my head and heart ache. Jumbled thoughts, but some along these lines …
Why must women work so hard for less money than their male counterparts?
Why is the Church the most subtly bigoted place I go to in my entire week?
Why are so many Christian marriages “women as modern-day maids serving ‘grown up’ boys.”
Why don’t more women question these things and speak up.
Why do I get hurt by the subtle ways of discrimination in our culture that don’t change: the old boys club that excludes women historically from the organizations, clubs, pulpits, schools, boards, Presidential jobs of institutions, rock and roll bands, television, important movie roles, and so on?
Why is it so hard just to be equals? And why do women accept it? Why is this still true?
I’m not hurt for myself, but I feel a deep empathy for these women. And for our daughters who are growing up in this world.
The suffragists managed to vocalize their concerns and in time changed things. And yet, even as I write this things stay the same. In doing research for his review of the movie Made in Deganham, about the women strikers against Ford UK, Roger Ebert wanted to find out when equal pay for equal work first became the law in the United States.
“I didn’t discover what I expected. Only two weeks ago, a Republican filibuster in the U. S. Senate prevented passage of the Paycheck Fairness Act, which would have added teeth to measures for equal pay…” Here’s his full article.
Yeah, you read that right less than a month ago.
Why do I lose sleep, live with heartache, and write about this. Because it matters, to me.
Jesus
I have read a book recently that parallels the words and work of Jesus through the Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. His spiritual journey, guiding the three, twelve, the 70 and all the people he met. Many many things have struck me, but here’s something stunning that’s relevant here.
There is a story that is found in all four books. That makes it striking right off. Simon the Leper and the Woman found in Matthew 26.6-16, Mark 14.3-10, Luke 7.36-50 and John 12.1-8.
In these stories these things are true: A woman (unnamed in three books or called a “sinner” and Mary, sister of Martha and Lazarus in the book of John.) used very expensive, perfumed oil, called Spikenard, to wash Jesus’ feet. She wept on his feet, knowing that he was to die. She was anointing his body for burial. The men in the room disregarded her (and her importance) saying she should have sold the oil for money and give it to the poor. Jesus said, not only did you NOT wash my feet when I came, or honor me treating me with any sort of revere, but you also do not know who this woman is. She will be remembered he said. Because they were calling her “sinner” and implying bad things about her, in one account he even tells a story of the creditor with two debtors, one for 500 and one for 150. He forgave them both equally. And then, in all except Luke) Judas betrays Jesus. Yeah, right then and there.
Jesus promised the woman a place in history for she has done the thing that called out to be done if one is attentive, ready and attentive.
All I can do is highlight the thing that stands out to me.
The nameless woman heard of Jesus somewhere, and believed that Jesus was the son of God and would soon die. She came to honor him. She wept over his upcoming death, anointed his body in an action of believing faith after which Jesus said she was forgiven.
The Disciples saw her come in and wanted to throw her out. Pointed out what a terrible choice she made. Scolded.
Judas rather, one of the twelve disciples who learned from the Rabbi for years, betrayed him for a few coins not believing. Not learning — seemingly — anything.
I do wonder, if women were at the table with the twelve, oh wait she was there. Not “welcomed” at the table with them as a guest, but … If women were in the discussion, affirmed and given similar choices and opportunities to men, how would the world be different? How would I be different? And you?
I believe it is women who have been most betrayed in this life. As over and over again in our society message are sent that diminish and demean. I believe that Jesus has a different message for women. It’s just that men (some, not all of course) just don’t see and hear the truth of Jesus message to the Church about how men and women relate.
More to come.
————————————————————-
Reading Jesus: A Writer’s Encounter with the Gospels, Mary Gordon, Pantheon Books, NY, 2009.
I was asked to write some brief thoughts about the application of Philippians 2.1-11 to my life.
My thoughts are neither brief nor, sadly, do I see them applied very well thus far in my life. Thankfully, the journey of faith is a road slowly traveled and full of grace.
Melody
“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united in Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.
In your relationships with one another, have the same attitude of mind Christ Jesus had: Who, being the very nature of God, did not consider equality of God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a human being, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death–even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”
Paul’s letter to the Philippians.
Obviously one cannot compare their life, whether you are a spiritual person or not, in any way to what Jesus Christ, the Son of God, gave up — his stature in heaven with God the Father — and Jesus did that for you and me. And yet, that’s the irony right? And the beauty. We are so very human and yet in the words of the Apostle Paul in Philippians we are taught to behave so unnaturally, even supernaturally. And we can’t. We can’t do anything like that. A human life can’t possibly compare. What then?
Reread this section of Paul’s letter to the Philippians 2.1-11 in Today’s NIV (above).
Honestly, the Apostle Paul rubs me the wrong way, at times. Especially the way he seems to command the church to do and not do so many things. That I have issues with control is no secret. So, I struggle with Paul’s emphatic tone and his sometimes enigmatic letters full of instructions that are not always clear in their application today. (Just my opinion here.)
But I have come to respect Paul’s story; his passion, his purity of purpose, his agape love for each church that he started, his strong prayer life, and especially as it applies here, his willingness to make personal sacrifices every day for the cause of Christ. What he was instructing the Philippians to do, he most definitely lived out himself.
Writing from a prison cell, it is striking that he says “fulfill my joy” or “make my joy complete” (depending on the translation) by having “the same mind and the same love, by being of one spirit and intent on one purpose.” He’s not saying here’s a way to become a “cookie cutter Christian” thankfully. What he is saying emphatically is do this to be united! And he continues, be humble because it is impossible to be “one church” if you are living for yourself, for your own desires, agendas and needs; If you are constantly seeking those things that only create a better life for yourself, you are not united. And then, as if that were not clear enough he goes on to say don’t do anything out of selfishness and think of others as better than yourself. And if you do this, the result will be unity.
I’m thinking at this point: “Okay, no biggie. Have some humility. Live for others. Give up your “rights.” Be unselfish. Wow, I need to work on this!” I just haven’t had it put so emphatically before. It is as if the message of Christ depends on it. Unity. And I should want to live that way! I guess it’s time to spend some time reflecting on whether that is true in my life. I’m four verses in and I’m totally convicted that I rarely live as if others are more important me.
Incredibly to me, at this point Paul becomes gentle so I guess he has a softer side. I’ve judged him from the lists of dos and don’t in Corinthians.
In a poem he goes on to describe in beautiful words the utter humiliation of Christ for us — Christ’s descent from the throne of God to death as a human on a cross. That is the humility Paul challenges the church of Philippi to and that is our example — Christ chose humiliation. As Christ became human, he gave up being seen as God and emptied himself taking on the limitations of human flesh. He never ceased to be fully God, but for a time he actually gave up GLORY for us. If your mind isn’t blown at this point, well, you’re not fully taking it in. It’s mind-boggling. It is worth pondering a while over the Advent season. It’s incredible.
Christ became human for me and wants me to become humble and unified with other believers in order to be more like him? NT Wright, in Paul for Everyone, says that an inner life of unity seems unattainable. No kidding. But, as we mature these things (paraphrased) should be true about us:
“1 We are to be bringing our thinking into line with one another.
2 Know the Gospel is the the final aim, not simply unity. If “it” doesn’t align with the Gospel, we could be unified around Krispy Kreme donuts, but that’s not what Paul’s promoting.
3 We are to perform the extraordinary feat of looking at one another with the assumption that everyone else and their needs are more important than our own.”
Humility is hard. Humiliation is harder.
When Paul was writing about this idea to the church in Philippi, it must be said, that they didn’t hold a high view of humility. No one aspired to be humble or to humiliation in the Greek world. If I am totally honest, do I really hold that high a view of humility? Being humble is hard! When was the last time I gave up my rights? My power. That is a form of humility and I honestly do not even know. That’s not really esteemed in our culture too much. Paul says we are to regard others as higher than ourselves. And in case we’re still unclear, we are to voluntarily give up our rights (like Jesus.)
As a part of the bigger picture of Philippians, Paul says “True people of God are united by thinking of others as more important than themselves.”
These are difficult times. The recession has effected so many people, that if you happen to have kept your job you feel incredibly grateful! If you have lost a job or may have been forced by circumstance to live with family or a friend, you know you are one misstep away from potential disaster. Perhaps even from joining the most powerless in our society — the poor, the elderly, many children, victims of domestic violence, youth fleeing abusive homes, many immigrants working two or three jobs to get by. None of these groups of people have power or influence in society. They are definitely “the least of these.” Their lives are a struggle and at times unbearable. At the bottom of this list, rock bottom I think, are those that are have lost their home and live now on the streets.
We make assumptions about the homeless and never question them. For the most part we avert our eyes and walk quickly past. There are homeless downtown that are the “stereo-typical homeless person — male, impoverished, smelly panhandlers that smell like alcohol and are acting slightly off.” But, actually, the average age for the homeless in Dane County is nine years old. My youngest is nine and he’s just a kid lucky enough to live in a house. Why him?
1 degradation;2 the state of being disgraced; shame; 3 a humiliating condition or circumstance.
I cannot think of anything more degrading or humiliating than being homeless. Often, if we think of the homeless at all, we convince ourselves that they somehow deserve it. It’s not a clear thought and if we keep it ambiguous and undefined we don’t have to face it. But we probably think that somehow homeless people chose. I challenge that idea completely.
When you are homeless no one knows who you are or where you are. You have lost everything: your old life, important relationships, job safety, the security of a locked door, and more importantly being known by someone, giving and receiving love, feeling content, the goodwill of being in community or a family — They chose to give up all that to be a wanderer known by no one? With no history — “lost” to your family and society — invisible — and somehow you chose that? This idea is absurd and is based on our chosen ignorance. Even selfishness.
Yes, the truth about homelessness is that it makes us uncomfortable.
A few facts:
The top three reasons people are homeless are:
1 mental illness,
2 domestic violence,
3 inability to pay rent.
In Dane County in 2008:
3,894 people were served in emergency shelters.
3,636 were turned away.
More than three thousand children, teens, elderly, veterans, mothers and fathers, uncles, aunts, PEOPLE were turned away from shelter for lack of space and resources in Madison alone.
A Simple Story.
As a member of BH Downtown, I was recently asked for$ .75 by a panhandler just outside of the Majestic. I was disconcerted because this wouldn’t happen on the west-side of Madison and I was unsure what to do. But I was with my kids. So I dug in my pocket and gave it to him, mainly thinking we have so much and my kids know it. And I wanted to show them that generosity is important. (Subsequently I learned giving money to panhandlers in Madison is illegal.) Looking back I think it is laughable that they might learn anything from our giving up less than a dollar to a homeless person. There was no sacrifice and there was no lesson learned.
Actually, I have learned because as a member of a downtown Life Group I learned that there are “real” ways to help. (more later)
When it comes to the homeless in Madison, in the past I have consoled my aching conscience with a few dollars and moved on. And I spent some hours thinking, reading, fretting about the complexity of the homeless situation, growing ever more hopeless about resolving the grander issues of funding and public apathy.
But, being downtown every week, if I choose to see the homeless, they are there.
There is a group here in Madison that does see the homeless.
Free Food gathers once a week, at three o’clock in the afternoon on Sundays, at the top of State Street, bringing whatever food and goods they have and giving them away. Variations of this group have been doing this for years. They give what they have — any kind of food, sometimes new socks. And now that it is cold they are seeking hats, gloves, blankets and anything to help someone stay warm on the street. (If purchasing some of these things interests you, shoot me an email and I can connect to pick them up.)
As I’ve thought about the Apostle Paul’s challenge to give up yourself for Christ, I see the actions of this group as an example of what Paul is talking about. I cannot think of anything more humiliating than living on the street, not knowing your next meal will come from; perhaps only having water and a meal once a day. Being constantly cold. It sounds horrible.
Homeless people likely did not lose everything by choice, perhaps simply bad luck or a series of unfortunate circumstances. The less power you have the more difficult it is to regain it. Powerlessness begets powerlessness in America, that’s a fact.
Paul says regard others [the homeless, or anyone] as higher than yourself. Voluntarily give up your rights. One way to do this is to serve the humiliated. Seethem. Go to where they are. Listento their story. Be a friend. Or just be a meal. In these cold nights of Wisconsin winter you might even save someone’s life by providing a coat or blanket or warm meal.
If you want to help on any given Sunday you will find these good people giving away food and other resources. Week in and week out, over the years, people have given up their time, money and things for the lowest and most humiliated in our city.
So even as I write these words in the comfort of my heated home and my belly growling just a bit from “forgetting” to eat dinner, I am convicted. In my humanity I cannot do anything and I don’t really even want to sometimes. It’s unnatural to put yourself in a situation like that. And, it is moving into winter and Sunday afternoons are cozy family times at home. My mind is full of dozens of reasons why I don’t really want or need to help out.
But we are instructed to behave supernaturally. Jesus Christ, the Son of God, gave up equality with God for you and me. That’s the rub. So I need to perhaps get cold and uncomfortable. Go be something more than I really am, because Christ did so much more for me. Not because I owe Him but because I am so grateful and humbled.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition
or vain conceit. Rather,
in humility value others above
yourselves, not looking
to your own interests
but to the interests of others.
I am challenged by these words of Paul to be more like Christ. Jesus was known for giving up his rights for the sake of the world. What am I known for?
And you?
———————————————————————————
Paul for Everyone: The Prison Letters, Tom Wright, Westminster John Knox Press, 2002.
The NIB Commentary, Volume XI, Abingdon Press, 2000
At the end before I quit completely, I was a messy drunk because by then I had to drink a lot to be messed up. More than I want to admit I had occasions of being a mess, stumbling to bed. And many, many Sundays I sat through church with the world’s worst hangover. My faith was shot.
I don’t really know why I was in church, except that I was still keening inside for God to help me. I am glad I was there, in the end. Thankful!
Those days were vile, don’t misunderstand. But I do not feel ashamed. I’ll tell you why in a minute. Anyone who regularly reads my blog also knows I also suffer from major depression and that too wrecked my life. You’re basically non-functioning when it is at its worst.
But I’m talking about why I am not ashamed of suffering from depression or of being a recovering alcoholic.
Why should I be ashamed?
I recently told a group of new friends (They are perhaps more like close acquaintances that I believe will become friends eventually) about my years of depression. I told them quite matter-of-fact, asking for prayer for the process of slowly stepping down from the anti-depressant I take. Afterwords, one of them came up to me and whispered out of the side of their mouth, full of embarrassment and clearly full of fear, “I struggle with depression too!”
In that moment I saw how frightening and risky it was for them to tell me. And I realized all of a sudden that I did not feel that self-consciousness or shame. I quite accept my lot in life. Should I feel ashamed? Am I supposed to be, because I’m a Christ-follower, perfect? I think too often people feel that same reticence. They fear judgment.
This is the real deal. Life is not perfect. Life is what happens when you’re making other plans right? I don’t know who said that? But don’t get me wrong, I have not always felt this way — free and unashamed.
I have been there — Where I could not say these words in one sentence: I– am– an– alcoholic. That four-word sentence took me five years to say out loud and two more to another human being. (Yes, I talk to myself.) And now that I have, I am not going back to live in that shame. So, no I don’t look at the person who shared with me in any judgmental way. I understand the fear.
It took me almost two months to admit to anyone, including Tom for five weeks, that I was depressed. There is an incredible bias or self-conscious reluctance (for Christians especially) to admit to the illness of depression. I run into people all the time. Well forget it. I am not ashamed.
I’ve talked a lot here about alcoholism and family history. Depression runs in families too. Both of these things are simply my Thing. My challenge. My opportunity. Other people have other Things.
As a Christian, what I hope people will hear the WOW in my story— the thing is that God is healing me! Yes, that is what I said. That is what I believe. There’s a psychological aspect to getting past/through/beyond these things, of course. Doctors have played an important part. Medication. Finding balance. But it came down to believing this simple statement:
You are the one Jesus loves.
My father sent me a postcard with this written on it, when I had the first episode of major depression eight years ago. It was framed when I got it and clearly very important to him. He had taken it right off his desk, stuck it in a padded envelope, wrote on a post-it that he loved me, and mailed it off to me. The glass didn’t survive the journey, but the postcard did. And over the years that statement has stayed with me.
When I read that day that “You are the one Jesus loves” I recoiled. My stomach lurched. Because, at that time in my life, I did not believe in the claims of Jesus I don’t think. I believed in the historical figure and in most of what the Bible said. But, as for Jesus, the human and the son of God, who gave up life in a gruesome way FOR ME, well, I did not believe it. I never believed I was loved growing up. Not by God, not by my parents. And definitely I hated myself.
So the healing that came in discovering how much Jesus actually loved me, well … as you can imagine that changed me. Changed my life. Changed my belief system. Changed how I interacted with and treated others. Changed my priorities.
I am a different person.
I not only like myself, but today I believe I am loveable. I guess psychiatrists would say that my “self-esteem” is stronger. Yay! It’s true. No wonder my mood is better. But in all seriousness, knowing — believing — that Jesus would have given his life for me, and me alone, only me, well, that’s incredible!
[This wasn’t one of those miracles that happened quickly. It took lot a of Bible study, times of prayer, listening to and working hard with my Shrink, giving up shit (drinking, smoking, being mean to people, compulsive spending, obsessive self-centeredness, … still working on perfectionism and a lot of other things.)
What I mean to say is this process took years. Deep times in the word of God (ie. Bible). Time with friends in long conversations. Opening my heart to love from others – especially Tom.]
So, no I am not ashamed of my ills, damn it! (Yeah, Tom thinks I should give up cussing for Jesus too. It’s the last cheap drug to go aside from caffeine.)
You see, all of these thing they are a “weakness” of a sort that humble me and help me stay connected to the true source of everything. And for that, I am oh — so — grateful!
Waiting. We hardly know what to do with waiting in our culture.
Waiting on things makes me frustrated and sometimes even angry. I want doctors to be on time, fast food lines to be, well, fast, children to be efficient, packages in the mail to be on schedule — all of it irks me. I cannot stand to wait. I do wait. I will wait. I am learning but American culture seems to feed the beast of impatience.
Do I then bring this attitude to my time with God? Do I have a low-level contempt despite all that He has done for me? I am all too often anxious and uncertain — querulous within. Doubting that He will speak, even though He has proven himself in the past. How dare I feel impatient with God, when I cannot some days slow down enough to breathe Him in?
I waited patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me and heard my cry.
He brought me up out of the pit of destruction,
out of the miry clay,
And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God;
Psalm 40.1-2 NASB
What does it mean to know that God is willing by the Holy Spirit to speak to you? Would you cease striving so hard to know this and that and open up your soul to God to work?
“Would God that we might get some right conception of what the influence would be of a life given, not in thought, or imagination, or effort, but in the power of the Holy Spirit, wholly to waiting upon God.”1
Hold thy peace at the presence of the Lord God.
Zephaniah 1.7 NIV
Our waiting cannot be a ‘means to an end.’ But when you come before God and realize that all you want is His presence, then perhaps the spirit of knowing will come. It will be nothing you have experienced before, where time slows and you are stunned, awed by the moment of being so full of Him.
” …humble the soul into a holy stillness, making way for God to speak and reveal Himself.
“Let everyone who would learn the art of waiting on God remember the lesson: ‘Take heed, and be quiet;’ ‘It is good that a man quietly wait.’ Take time to be separate from all friends and all duties, all cares and all joys; time to be still and quiet before God.
“Take time not only to secure stillness from man and the world, but from self and its energy. Let the Word and prayer be very precious; but remember, even these may hinder the quiet waiting. The activity of the mind in studying the Word, or giving expression to its thoughts in prayer, the activities of the heart, with its desires and hopes and fears, may so engage us that we do not come to the still waiting on the All-Glorious One; our whole being is not prostrate in silence before Him.
“Though at first it may appear difficult to know how thus quietly to wait, with the activities of mind and heart for a time subdued, every effort after it will be rewarded; we shall find that it grows upon us, and the little season of silent worship will bring a peace and a rest that give a blessing not only in prayer, but all the day.”1
Waiting. Our mind & spirit in everyday life are constantly, impatiently even angrily waiting for God to work.
He only asks for “a quiet reverence, an abiding watching.”
“‘It is good that a man should quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord.’ Yes, it is good. The quietness is the confession of our impotence, that with all our willing and running, with all our thinking and praying, it will not be done: we must receive it from God. It is the confession of our trust that our God will in His time come to our help—the quiet resting in Him alone. It is the confession of our desire to sink into our nothingness, and to let Him work and reveal Himself.”1
If you knew that God
through the power of the Holy Spirit would meet you, would be waiting for you, would go against the world and wake in the dark of the night to be with Him. I have seen that a whole new life will come.
Logic & Imagination 