Tag: LGBT

{Above all Love One Another: A confession on being an LGBTQ Ally & a Christian}

unless we’re all free, none of us are free.

Kathy Escobar  a pastor and writer, challenged me with these words on her blog this week:

“i’m a nut case for equality.  you hear me talking a lot about gender equality but that’s just because it’s a critical starting place.  when half of the population of the world is thought of as “less than”, we’re in serious trouble.  in a church that is supposed to be the free-est, most liberating place in town, we’re in even deeper trouble.  christians should be leading the way on equality in absolutely every area, yet we all know that on the whole, we are lagging behind, stuck in white privilege & imbalanced power & segregation and all kinds of things that are not reflective of the kingdom of God Jesus called us to create.

equality isn’t just about gender. it crosses into race, sexual orientation, socioeconomics, and any other ways we are divided that strip people’s dignity.

… what will change things is when we begin to vote with our feet (and in ballot boxes) and refuse to be part of churches & systems & groups that oppress.  Period.  they aren’t going to get our money or our time or absolutely-anything-anymore and i don’t care how good their music, teaching, or kids program is.”

I read these words and wanted to cry…

I felt very confused. Kathy says to simply rant and rage on Facebook is not accomplishing anything.  That hit me like a bulls-eye. What she is challenging Christians to do is hard. 

I’m with her in my heart and in theory, in my friendships, my daily practices, my Facebook statuses and as an ally.  But not with my feet, with my church membership.  Do I really need to leave my church? I love my church.

I was driving along listening to our brave President …

That beautiful speech about the fact that people ought to be able to get married, any two people in America, my heart  was gushing and pulsing with pleasure and pride and hope.

Then I remembered and wondered …

  • Do I speak freely about supporting the LGBTQ community because I don’t work for anyone except myself?
  • Two of my children have chosen against Christianity, because the church seems in their estimation to “hate LGBTQ people.”
  • My church, which is a beautiful, amazing, loving Jesus community, came out a few years ago that they believe the LGBTQ lifestyle was a sin.

I don’t know what to do about any of those things. I volunteer and advocate.  I love on my kids and try to dialogue with them.  I still attend my church.  I sat and wriggled in discomfort listening to that sermon (I have the link to it below) in person two years ago, and this morning as I listened to it again.

My heart is so heavy.  And at the same time light with the knowledge of what Jesus’ death on the cross means to me.  I have life, abundant life, because Jesus took my sins upon himself.  

I know this, I’m as sinful as anyone.

My kids say “Christians hate gays.”  My lesbian and gay friends say that most Christians act like they hate them.  My lesbian friend asks me if she would be welcome at my church?

Christians hate gays.

Christians hate gays.

Do Christians hate gays?

I don’t, but are my choices, my actions, my feet, making that clear? I don’t write that three times to be callous or uncaring, but to let it sink in what’s really going on in my daughter’s mind and heart. And my friends.  And your friends and family who may or may not have come out to you.

We attend a fairly middle of the road evangelical church.  

Though they’re not open to women being elders, they are open to women doing everything else, I think.  (Don’t ask me to defend that point, because I don’t want to.  They read Titus, I suppose overlooking “An elder must be blameless” because of course no one is in fact blameless.  And they see “husband of one wife” as a prescription for the job of Elder.)  I say this only to point out the fact that although “middle of the road evangelical” they are not totally conservative theologically.

Tangent! Rabbit trail.

Back to Christians hating “homosexuals.”

The fact is that sexual temptation happens to everyone, but the evangelical Church rejects anyone who admits to same sex temptations.  With the Gay Marriage Amendment and the President talking about the right of anyone to be married the traditional evangelicals are a bit up in arms.

My church did a sermon a few years ago on Romans 1:21-2:4. titled: What about the Gay and Lesbian Community? Chris Dolson, Senior Pastor, Part 4 of the Rotten Tomatoes series. (Watch or listen here.)

We all have opinions on the subject.

In fact, I have more questions than opinions.

Earlier this year, in youth group my daughter listened to a discussion on the topic of relationships and sex, and they never acknowledged that young people may be dealing with the questions of sexual orientation.   This upset her and made her feel angry and she hurt over the friends she knew in the group who are out, who are gay.

From the sermon, here’s what my pastor said, me paraphrasing:

The only sexual expression affirmed in the bible is between and man and a woman in marriage.  All the others are wrong. The choice is marriage or chastity because that is the “way God intended things to happen.  All others are prohibited. This is a traditional view of sexuality.”

And this is the position of my church.

In fact there are only a handful of verses in the Bible – on sexual sin.   Leviticus 18:22; Romans 6:26 and 27; 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 which mentions homosexuality along with all kinds of other sins (including drunkenness, which I have been regularly guilty of. More about my alcoholism.)

To my pastor it’s clear but to my kids and many others, this position is a club we beat up on LGBTQ people and condemn them as if Christians think gay and lesbians are sinful and we, “Christians” have no sin.

I am reading the Jesus Creed for Students by Scot McKnight . I know I’m not the intended demographic. I’m reading it because my child is rejecting my church and rejecting my faith traditions, and perhaps will even reject the Christian faith completely.  I want to offer her more.  I heard this book is excellent so I am reading it with that in mind.

And it challenges us all to the main thing of the Story of the Bible.

It’s true, won’t you agree, that sexual expression is not the focus of the Story of Jesus Christ and in fact Jesus never talked about sexual orientation or choices.   When asked what the most important commands (there were more than 600 commands in the Old Testament) Jesus said this:

Here O Israel:  The Lord our God, the Lord is One.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, 

With all your soul,

With all your mind,

And with all your strength.

The Second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. 

There is no commandment greater than these.  (From Mark 12:29-31)

And in the Gospel of Luke there is a slightly different version, Jesus lists four types of people who were blessed:  “The poor. The hungry. The weeping. The persecuted.”

I cannot think of a more persecuted community in America than the LGBTQ community.

“If sin was blue we’d all be colored with blue.  Our minds, our actions, we’re all messed up.“ — Chris Dolson, my pastor.

We’re all “covered in blue.”

And I come back to this from 1 Corinthians 13: The Way of Love (from The Message)

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

There is much I do not know.  There is much that I do not understand.

But it could not be clearer that we are to love, love, and love. Above all love.

We should be known for our love.

Today, as I sit here, I am acknowledging that if sin were blue I’d be covered in blue.  And Jesus forgives me, and says to me, to us all — How do you love one another?  In real life.

“unless we’re all free, none of us are free.”

Galatians 5:13-15 says:  “for you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. 

For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “love your neighbor as yourself.” but if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another.”

I don’t have all the answers — I am torn between certain things and the uncertain and unknowable.   But I do know this, we were told the greatest commandment of all was:

Love one another.

Love one another.

Love one another.

And if we don’t, shame on us.  Beware of destroying one another indeed.

Truthfully I am not much of an ally to the LGBTQ community.  For all my intentions, mostly I’m just a woman with a big lens and a heart.  Taking photographs with love is about all I do.  But it is what I do.   And I love it.

MELODY

These are just a sampling of some of the kind and generous, big-hearted beautiful folk I’ve been able to meet and phototograph over the years for Our Lives Magazine.

It is one thing to photograph people. It is another to make others care about them by revealing the core of their humanness. — Paul Strand, American Photographer

“Photography is truth.”- Jean-Luc Godard

I Have No Therefore

Faith is the bird

that sings

when the dawn

is still dark.

~Rabindranath Tagore

At times I cannot imagine that I am raising children in the world today. Nor can I imagine expecting them to live in the world we are creating for them.  I can only respond with the discipline of faith, hope and love to this world full of suffering, poverty and injustice — genocide, food crises, unjust and expensive wars, oil dependency and overpopulation. And I’m just getting started.  It is all devastating.

On a blog this morning I read the term post-evangelical1 so I went to the web to figure out what he meant.  After reading just a bit my knee jerk reaction I must admit is that I am a post-evangelical too.

But looking at it more closely I think the term is stupid — ill named.  Evangelical means “gospel” or “good news.”

I am a believer in the gospel.  What I do not believe in are the many people who call themselves Christians but they are truly fringe, fundamentalists — I believe some in the media call them ironically “the religious right.”  I think the term post-evangelical came out of a reaction to fundamentalists. And out of the desire to distance themselves, get as far away as one can from being identified like one.    I can relate!  I feel like I am constantly denying that I am a “FOX News Christian…”

I used to call myself a recovering evangelical because I felt those sort of Christians tarnish the witness of Christ and are frankly embarrassing.  So as much as I want to remove myself from the label and image of evangelical Christian I cannot say I am a post-evangelical. I’m still an evangelical.

I cannot get away from the truth that I attend a 75% white mega-church in middle-class America.  It’s of the EFCA denomination which I mostly know nothing about.  But I have chosen not become a member officially because they don’t ordain women or allow them, — er– us, to be considered for eldership.  But, for better or worse I am a part of “evangelicalism” because I attend, give and take part in an evangelical Christian church.

But the world is changing around the evangelical church and I believe there are areas that we must be responsive to the culture.

  • We must find ways to talk about these things within the Church without it creating partisan or contentious quarreling.   Without being perceived as a trouble maker.
  • We must forcefully adhere to the Word of God.  But study it first and foremost ourselves and not base our assumptions on what others tell us!
  • We must understand the cultural times we’re living in... Loaded words I know…

I feel strongly that these three things are incredibly important for the future of the Church and the future of our witness, yes us, evangelical Christians.  And with that in mind there are real barriers to people feeling welcome in our churches.

These are the things that I think are wrong with (many) evangelical churches.  The reasons that Christianity is so distasteful to many people outside of the church.  These are the barriers as I see them.

  1. Excessive focus on personal psychological growth and individualism
  2. Lack of theological depth coming from lack of personal study, understanding or wish to know the scripture individually
  3. Narrow and/or partisan political views which are unsubstantiated by scripture
  4. Lack of engagement in the culture: art, media, and society and/or a withdrawal from society and culture.
  5. Lives caught up in the pursuit of materialism and consumerism
  6. Insensitivity toward and lack of love for people who are LGBT or Q
  7. Lack of engagement of the role of women in leadership of the church.
  8. Ignoring social justice within the church.
  9. Ignorance as it relates to white power and male power and how that impacts minority groups and women within the Church.
(I got this originally off Wikipedia amazingly.  I rewrote it to better express my views. )

I have no therefore.

I simply think that this list is worth mulling over.

As Christ has made himself real to me — through a growing understanding and awareness of the incarnation and God’s grace in my life — I have had to face that God wants something from me.  Do I have any idea what this looks like long-term?  No.  And it is a constant heartache not knowing exactly how to respond to Him.   Yes, faith is a mystery and to wrestle with the what, and the who, and to respond has become the most challenging call in my life to date.

I continue to pray for peace, hope and love in my choices and actions and attitudes. For that is our challenge and lifelong discipline to figure out how to do that daily.  Forif we lose hope of receiving from Jesus soon will come despair.  We must be steadfast in our unconditional love of others and today do peace. Do hope.  Do love.  For in the end that is the Church of Christ.  Isn’t it?

MHH

1″The term evangelical has its etymological roots in the Greek word for “gospel” or “good news”: ευαγγελιον (evangelion), from eu- “good” and angelion “message.” In that sense, to be evangelical would mean to be a believer in the gospel, that is the message of Jesus Christ.”

“Why Do You Care So Much About LGBT Issues? Are YOU queer?”

It’s an honest question, I guess.  But the implication is that in caring for friends who are gay, lesbian or bi-, or any persecuted population, there must be some underlying story.  Let’s be truly honest, at least I will be, for a moment.   And I guess I’ll generalize dangerously, but I think I’m fairly close to the truth when I say …

Some Christians don’t know how to love people that they do not like or do not understand.

They are often the ones who avoid the discomfort of being in a setting with any group that makes them feel a minority.  That is if they even think about it.

They may wrap their beliefs up in a neat and tidy box, but the fact is they are unwilling to have a friend who is queer.  I dare you to step out of your comfort zone.  And I can promise that nothing untoward will happen.  And you just might learn something about yourself.

Let’s broaden the conversation and throw out an even broader generalization but I believe that most people, Christian or not, very rarely allow ourselves to be without our power.

Perhaps unintentionally, but it rare that white people put ourselves in places where we don’t hold that (white) power.    Yeah, I’m talking about white people because being white, we have power just because of the color of our skin.  And we might be complete wing nuts, but it will stay true. Also, being straight in today’s society holds power.  (Being a man holds power, but that’s not the subject here I just had to say it.)

Here is the real truth.  I have someone very close to me who is bi-sexual.  This is someone who I love.  Someone that I would like to come to know the Jesus I know,the way I know him.   Someone who rejects Jesus because of reputation of “the Church” and someone who considers it evidence of bigotry that Christian’s lack love for them…

The friends and acquaintances over the years that are queer — some out and some not, but I love them.  I hurt for them.  I heart aches over the rejection and disapproval that is shown to queer people mostly by Christians.  When I picture those friends in my mind  I have to acknowledge to myself that their lives are incredibly difficult and it is mostly because our culture is so bigoted and I want to love them, take them home and care of them.  It’s the Mother in me who would adopt all these “kids” so that they’d know unconditional love.

And as for being a minority within a dominant culture, well

the little I have learned is that I have all this power that I don’t even acknowledge most of the time.

And this power makes my life so much easier than those that are not white or straight.  Most people, other than whites,  face  the biases and prejudices of the dominant culture every single day.  My culture. My people.  My tribe does this and it hurts me.

And one of my new year’s resolutions (Go ahead, check.  I wrote them down here.) was to place myself in positions where I was a minority — Whether that is my lily whiteness — or my being straight — or my being  a Christian — I want to be with other people, without my power getting in the way, so that I can learn.  I’ll become the better person for it.

So why do I care so much about friends who are LGB or T — and People who are Homeless — and People of Color — and Women ….  And generally anyone who is persecuted for something that they are, because I hope I am a bridge person in between.

I believe that this is what Jesus would want me to do.

It is as complicated and as simple as that.

OCTOBER 8TH UPDATE: I JUST READ AN ARTICLE THAT MADE ME REALIZE HOW STUPID (REALLY JUST LAZY THINKING TO BE HONEST) IT WAS TO CALL MYSELF, AS A WOMAN, GAY.   HENCE THE CHANGE IN TITLE.

http://www.qideas.org/essays/project-love-restoring-a-bridge-with-the-gay-community.aspx?page=4

I Will Not Be Silent

A Suicide Note
Image by έŁέ¢τяøиί¢ έγέ via Flickr

Five suicide deaths by students bullied because of being GLBT or Q is a tragedy — each life lost was important and significant.

Each life matters to their mother and father, family and friends.  Each person had hopes and dreams of a life of love and acceptance.  Each child deserves to feel safe at any school.

I know teachers and staff that work hard to help in Madison schools, as I saw recently with a transgender child in elementary school.

But more needs to be done.  Each and every student deserves to attend safe and welcoming schools, even in rural or more conservative towns.   They deserve to have us speak up when homophobia or bigotry occurs — whether it is seemingly innocent or blatantly malicious.

No matter your religious viewpoint about sexual orientation or gender identity – each of us in this nation should come together to agree on this fact:  Kids committing suicide is tragic and should not happen.

Eugene Cho, a pastor that I know via his blog, wrote this today:

When the issue of GLBTQ come up, it’s easier to keep the conversation about theological and biblical interpretations and well, the issue of the subject in hand but in the meanwhile, we forget there’s people behind the issues.

There’s always people behind the issues.  But regardless of interpretations and views, we should all agree: This needs to stop.  But when we are silent, we are complicit.

I implore each person reading this to speak up about this horrendous tragedy. Express how wrong it is that kids are resorting to suicide.

There is no wrong way to humbly listen and learn from a GLBTQ  friend.  Listen to them and hear their story. See them.  They could be, may be, your brother, sister, child, parent, aunt, uncle or friend who is sitting silent and afraid.  Make it safe for people to be with you.  And remember these young men:

  • Raymond Chase was 19, an openly gay sophomore studying culinary arts at Johnson & Wales University in Rhode Island. He killed himself Wednesday after a fellow student in his dorm wrote, “You are gay, get out of Barlow [Hall] before you regret it” on his dry erase board.
  • 18-year-old Rutgers freshman Tyler Clementi threw himself off of the George Washington Bridge on Sept. 22, after his roommate had broadcast secret video footage of his sexual encounter with another man over the Internet.
  • On Sept. 23, Asher Brown, 13, shot himself in the head at his parent’s home in Cypress, Texas.
  • On Sept. 19 in Tehachapi, Calif., 13-year-old Seth Walsh hanged himself from a tree and died Tuesday after nine days of life support.
  • 15-year-old Billy Lucas of Greensburg, Ind., also took his own life earlier in the month.

My heart is heavy tonight.

Melody

GLBTQ issues In the News: http://www.glaad.org/bestandworst

Related Articles

New Year’s Resolutions Update (Jan. 30th)

I thought it might be wise to check  in on my resolutions now a month later. My New Years Resolutions … they were:

I will Learn. See. Respond. Be …

I will give more of my time, voice, and energy to the disadvantaged, oppressed, and forgotten in my community. (Immigrants, LGBT, homeless, unwed mothers, the illiterate.)  To put myself in situations where I am the ethnic minority.  If given opportunity, I will tell their stories through word and image.

I’ve informally interviewed for a communications job at a local non-profit that works in the black community here in Madison.  I’m prayerful.  No money, but exciting, purposeful, wonderful opportunity.  I feel afraid, because I know nothing about communication to blacks as a demographic.  But most of what I’d do it communicate to donors who are (mostly) white, so I’ve got that one down in spades.  We’ll see.

I’ve written a few things here on the blog.  Here’s an archive of January, 2010.

I continue to shoot for Our Lives Magazine.

This is Petrovnia and Chris McIntosh with their son Jackson.

I have another shoot today.

I will grow more of our own food.  I will learn to can.  I will shop locally, especially community based privately owned businesses.

I’ve joined the Willy Street Co-op.  I love their options. I love their prices. I love their organic local produce. I love their vibe!

I am planning a protest of the TARGET that wants to move into my neighborhood.  Be national behemoth chain of evil that it is.

I will save more, spend less. I will live on a budget. I will continue to not buy clothes for myself for a year, until October, 2010.   I will use the library.

I have not written up a current budget, but we’re not spending.  I haven’t bought any clothes or paraphernalia for myself since October and to be honest I hardly think about it any more.  I still have trouble getting to the library for books I want to read.  It’s a mental shift to not OWN books but rather borrow them.  Why is that?

I will help us be a connected family. I will turn off electronics while the kids are awake. I will turn off electronics  4-8 pm. And do more together. (e.g. Go to ballgames, the symphony & opera,  plays (The Lion King), go camping, …)  We will call cousins and other family members.

Fail.  Clearly this is an area that Tom and I need to agree on.  He’s been in the basement with regularity cause of his current music project.  I have been a baby about it and just surfed the net, reading and improving myself.  And I pout internally.  I could or should turn of the TV and play games with the kids.

I will continue to work at staying depression free. I will work the 12 steps.  I will exercise every day, if only 20 minutes.  I will taper off Effexor.

Ahem, well let’s see.  Yes, no, sorta and not yet.

I will write for an hour every day of the work week.  About … What I am thankful for.  What I want to know.  What I think.  Who I need to hear from.

Definitely achieved the writing goal.  Here’s an archive of January, 2010.

Wrote an article for my church’s new magazine, Illuminate.

I will read with intentionality. (On race, gender & the church, faith, poverty, global issues …)

Check.  I’ll get a bibliography up soon. I read so many blogs.  I thought that list might be interesting as well, but I can’t think of an easy way to list them.  Anyone know?  I’m sure there is a way.

I will play my piano and find an avenue to sing.

Not yet.  Well I’ve tinkered with the piano, but it is sadly out of tune.

I will work on a photography project with the goal of a gallery showing and work on a website for online sales & exhibition.

I had an offer to exhibit in a show on Angels by my friend Drazen Dupor. As this isn’t something that I have shot a lot of, or created I didn’t do anything with it.  I will think about a project for both church (where I have an open invitation) and perhaps a coffee shop.

I will be working with my church to create and manage a blog for artists.  If you have thoughts on this shoot me an email.  It should be a fun avenue for both creativity and faith.

I will take Tom to Big Ben before he’s 50.

See I will start a budget.  :-) Save for Big Ben. W When I mentioned this to Tom he warned me to be prepared for a major falling apart when he turns 50.  And that I’d better hurry, only a year and a half.

Feb Goals:

  • Write a current family budget.

  • Get to Willy’s every week.

  • Keep praying about the job.

  • We really, really need to turn off electronics during the week!!!

  • Get outside with the kids.

  • I will walk the kids to school (Erk, that’s hard to write when it was -2 degrees yesterday morning.)

  • Work on the Artists Blog for Church.

  • Write an article on forgiveness for next issue of Illuminate.

  • Walk on the treadmill every day and get to the Y with my mom.

    Be well, friends.  Be well.  And if you feel like it, drop me a word about what you are doing in 2010.

Resolutions for 2010

My New Years Resolutions …

I will Learn. See. Respond. Be …

  1. I will give more of my time, voice, and energy to the disadvantaged, oppressed, and forgotten in my community. (Immigrants, LGBT, homeless, unwed mothers, the illiterate.)  To put myself in situations where I am the ethnic minority.  If given opportunity, I will tell their stories through word and image.
  2. I will grow more of our own food.  I will learn to can.  I will shop locally, especially community based privately owned businesses.
  3. I will save more, spend less. I will live on a budget. I will continue to not buy clothes for myself for a year, until October, 2010.   I will use the library.
  4. I will help us be a connected family. I will turn off electronics while the kids are awake. I will turn off electronics 4-8pm. And do more together. (e.g. Go to ballgames, the symphony & opera,  plays (The Lion King), go camping, …)  We will call cousins and other family members.
  5. I will continue to work at staying depression free. I will work the 12 steps.  I will exercise every day, if only 20 minutes.  I will taper off Effexor.
  6. I will write for an hour every day of the work week.  About … What I am thankful for.  What I want to know.  What I think.  Who I need to hear from.
  7. I will read with intentionality. (On race, gender & the church, faith, poverty, global issues …)
  8. I will play my piano and find an avenue to sing.
  9. I will work on a photography project with the goal of a gallery showing and work on a website for online sales & exhibition.
  10. I will take Tom to Big Ben before he’s 50.

A year of  images : the people, places and things. I shot this year. (This will take you to a SET of my photography on the www. flickr.com.  Click on SLIDE SHOW in the upper right hand corner when you get there.)

Be well, friends.  Be well.  And if you feel like it, drop me a word about what you’d like to accomplish in 2010.