Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere. – Einstein
ntly owned businesses would you really miss if they disappeared and make sure to get into those stores tomorrow. For every $100 you spend locally, $68 stays in the local community.
If you shop or eat at national chains, only $43 stays in your community.
If you shop on-line nothing stays local, did you hear that? Nothing.
All week my plan was to write about the International Buy Nothing Day: A 24 hour moratorium on consumer spending.
It’s called Black Friday, because it is the day stores move from red to black in their sales margin. The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is the highest spending month in the entire year.
Fueled by a culture of over-consumption millions of Americans will participate. Although I am encouraging you to do something different, I do think this idea is worth a laugh, which I found on the Buy Nothing Day website.
Whirl–mart
This activity has the advantage of being most likely to piss off security personnel. You and nine of your closest friends silently drive your shopping carts around in a long, inexplicable conga line without ever actually buying anything.
(Anyway, it made me laugh out loud. I would never be able to do it, but I can see my daughter Molly and nine of her friends involved in this kind of social protest. Oh yeah!)
I found a better idea for those of us who are slightly middle aged and have $50-100 we plan to spend over the weekend of Black Friday. Well, I wish I had thought of it, really do. But I console myself that there’s no new idea under the sun, even if you copyright it like this woman did. I can sure support it, because it makes so much sense. It is called the 3/50 Project. But I explain it all here:
Get into those stores and buy something.
For every $100 you spend locally, $68 stays in the local community. If you shop or eat at national chains, only $43 stays in your community. If you shop on-line nothing stays local, did you hear that? Nothing.
So I’m thinking about that this week.
Rather than choosing a chain, consider one of the amazing local cuisines. There are so many. What are your favorite local eateries? I’d like to know!! I’ll make a list and post it later.
Shopping local, independent shops might take a little research. But think how good you you feel!!! Rather than suck up to the giant conglomerates you’ll drink from the fountain of pure and local.
Yeah, boycott big chains this Friday!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. Last year I wrote about spending $100 locally. (So okay, maybe I did have this idea first.) But seriously, it’s pretty good. Read it.
P.P.S. Obviously, this is geared toward Madison, but the same applies to any local economy. Just do it! Let me know your three choices whether you are here locally in Madison or elsewhere!
I read ‘somewhere’ that Collard Greens are really, really good for you, a cancer fighting green rich in antioxidants and vitamins and tons of fiber. One cup of cooked collards offers your full daily Vitamin A, half your C and over 800 percent of your vitamin K.
A few weeks ago I posted this short entry (below) on Collard Greens asking for good recipes. I got no responses. And I’m thinking it’s because most of the people who read my blog are mostly white folk. It turns out most white folk think Collard Greens are a nasty weed and we don’t know what to do with it.
Last night, at the first White House State Dinner , among other delicious things Collard Greens were on the menu and that got me looking and reading again.
And I want to cook them. Help me out?
It turns out their pedigree dates back 2,000 years. (And though they can’t spell Mediterranean …)
They originated, like kale, their kin, in Turkey, migrating, along with folks who grew it, to Greece and Rome. Julius Caesar allegedly treated collard greens as medicine, eating them after banquets to insure good nutrition and digestion.
Collards became a hit all over Europe and were introduced to America in the 17th century. They grew prolifically, especially in the South. While plantation owners considered collards weeds, slaves used the free and plentiful greens to make the humblest of meals sustaining and nourishing. Despite their Mediterranian roots, they’re sturdily American.
Most of us know collards, if we know them at all, from the way slaves prepared them – as a mess o’ greens, slow-braised with pig parts. Collards are also a component of hopping john, a filling stew combining collards, black-eyed peas, which the slaves brought over from Africa . . . and more pig parts.
Now is the time collards flourish, and not just in the White House garden. (Source: http://www.meatlessmonday.com)
So I ask again, does anyone have good recipe for Collard Greens? Someone who has actually cooked them. Or will I have to go digging?
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November 11th, 2009
Does anyone have a good recipe for Collard Greens?
Mine was bitter. Is this from the way I cooked it or something else I might have done?
They look so yummy but even with garlic and butter/olive oil they were super bitter.
C’ mon people. Let me know!!
Also seen on Flickr. For a book report on Stone Rabbit BC Mambo.
Here’s how it went down. I was invited by my sister Paula to take photographs of her new church. She is having her church website updated and wants it before Christmas.
After three years of seminary and commuting to work part-time at a church near Milwaukee for even longer, she’s recently gotten an appointment at St. Luke’s Episcopal Church, in Monona, Wisconsin. She has been there for about three months as head pastor.
I am very proud of her and excited to help out in any way I can. I went over on Sunday to get some shots of the morning service and activities.
She’s talking to one of the people helping her prepare for the service, a man, who notices me taking pictures. She says something to him and he smiles and says something. She has an indecipherable but polite look on her face, which I can’t hear because they are about ten feet away but they are clearly talking about me.
A shocky-kind-of-limbo comes over me, which is what always happens in these situations, while I try to decipher what’s going on. He really just said that to his pastor? Seriously? Should she be insulted? Should I? Yes, my gut tells me. And yes.
This is one of the most subtle types of sexism. A comment masked as compliment but clearly designed (whether consciously or not) to make women uncomfortable.
Was it sexist of him to talk about my looks? To refer to and rate his pastor’s looks by implication? He was meeting his pastor’s sister for the first time who cares about our looks, I mean really?
When I got home, after a twenty-minute drive, I was still bothering over it and I asked Tom what he thought?
Of course I obviously do believe that this comment was sexist. It’s a work situation and a man is commenting on his pastor’s looks. However he does it , no matter his motives it is wrong. Saying something in a moment like that is hard because I don’t want to make things harder for Paula or create a scene. But saying nothing is worse. Looking back, I know that both of our silence is interpreted as agreement, indifference, or fear.
And so I sit here simmering, thinking about what I should have said.
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Resource: I found this website to be incredibly helpful as I sorted through my feelings and the facts. If you’re new to the topic or still sorting these things through, give it a look and come back and tell me what you think? http://www.stopsexistremarks.org/
I want to live with you forever, Mom. Because — what if — I’m homeless some day?
You can always live with me, if you’re down and out or homeless. I would never let you live on the streets. Besides that doesn’t happen to very many people…
[pause to think and choose my words carefully]
… usually if you are willing to work hard (really Melody? homeless people aren’t willing to work hard?) and are smart enough to do well in school (this isn’t going well, because I’ve met homeless who are PhD’s) you will not end up homeless. (Which I know very well isn’t always true. I considered launching into something about mental illness, and drug addiction and family, and job loss being contributing factors.
And then I realized he was just scared and I couldn’t make him understand something that I don’t completely.)
But what if I can’t find you? If I don’t know where you live?
You will always know where I am. You can always call me.
(And I found myself explaining about calling collect. )
I will always take your collect call.
When my father was dieing, I came to a point that I had to forgive him for the years of neglect and abuse. My sisters and I had flown in from around the country for the surgery to remove two tumors in his brain. The day before, my sister Paula and I found ourselves in a small Episcopal church in Evergreen, Colorado where my mom and dad were living. It had a retro 60’s interior, as if modernity hadn’t reached the mountains. But it also had a serene beauty, with carved wood and stained glass windows. It was a relief to slip into a pew near the back, two of about a dozen people in the small sanctuary.
It was a beautiful service and I was deeply moved — emotional and fearful for the next day and days to come. My dad had been meeting with each of us daughters to have the “last conversation” just in case he didn’t make it. I wasn’t ready for mine.
As is typical tradition in the Episcopal church, communion was offered. As took that long walk to the front and knelt there, struggling with my heavy heart, I was aware that my father could very well die in surgery. And I also knew that I could not, and in many ways would not, be able or ready to forgive him. As I wrestled internally between my hypocrisy and a need to be faithful to my experiences with my dad, I heard the voice of God saying: “Melody, forgive as you have been forgiven.” Even as I write those words I’m floored by the power of that moment.
Whether it actually was ‘the voice of God’ or my memory returning to the eternal truths of my childhood faith, I don’t know for sure and it’s certainly up for debate. But it mattered not at all to me, in that moment. I knew that it was true and that I had to respond. And in as much as I understood what that meant in my life, I acknowledged: “I cannot forgive him. But if you could help me…” And I experienced a miracle, my heart change in a moment! I was given a heart of absolution toward my father.
Let me be clear, I believe that he was still responsible for the things he had done and said, but my heart was freed of the anger and hurt that had consumed it for many, many years. At the very least, this experience allowed me to be “present” emotionally later, to bravely express my pain to my dad (which I had always been too afraid of him to do) and to hear him, as he stumbled through an apology. He asked me to forgive him for the hurt he had caused me over a lifetime. If I hadn’t forgiven him the day before I would not have been able to receive his apology or grant him what he needed.
It was a little topsy-turvy and upside down and backwards, but it is up there on the list of one of most amazing spiritual experiences I have ever had.
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At some point we all find ourselves in the doghouse for something we have said or done. It is interesting to see a culture of public apology as it has developed today. It has become a natural next step by governments, politicians, cable newscasters, even ministers and it is easy to get cynical about such public apologies with our 24/7 public, cable-driven news cycle.
It is almost common place to mess up and need to apologize. My kids throw out “I’m sorry” like “please” and “thank you.’ I keep thinking we need to teach them this concept of forgiveness, but I don’t really know how. When I was a child my father used to make us apologize, even when weren’t sorry. Even when we truly felt we weren’t wrong. And then he’d make the other person say “I forgive you.” I cringe to think of it and refuse to do that to my children.
But what is the purpose of an apology? It is an admission of wrongdoing. An expression of regret for harm caused to another person by our actions or by our failure to act. Sometimes we even apologize to get something off our chest or make ourselves feel better. But people should apologize when they mess up and I want to help my kids understand this. But it can’t be forced if it is genuine.
Or can it? I think of the power it holds for people groups who have been mistreated and demand governments to extend apologies for historical injustices. The apology is called for and absolutely necessary. African-Americans deserved apology and reparations for two hundred years of slavery, Black South Africans for Apartheid, the Japanese Americans for the internment camps, Native Americans for stealing their land, imprisoning their people in Reservations, and demolishing their indigenous culture. The same for what has happened to indigenous peoples in Hawaii and many places around the globe. Many countries around the world, including the United States, have tried to make amends for past injustices by paying reparations, creating human rights tribunals and reconciliation commissions. This is all good and necessary.
But have those groups forgiven? I think on an individual level this is needs to happen. And sometimes as a public. The story of the Amish here in the states, who, three years ago, unconditionally and publicly forgave the gunman who slaughtered five of their little girls. It was an astonishing example of public forgiveness.
Until we can forgive we are condemned to remain victims. All of us have been wronged, in big ways and in smaller everyday ways, through out our lives. Until we can forgive those responsible we’ll be nagged by this sense of seeing ourselves as a victim.
What does that mean for those of us offended and hurt by the Deadly Vipers book or more importantly, the ongoing work between the white Christian community and multi-ethnic communities.
What does this mean for women that have been hurt by the Church/organized religion or organizations or men that have treated them with inequality and sexism?
It’s very easy for victimization to be internalized, but only forgiveness can release us from that.
“There’s nothing to compare with the therapeutic effect of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a far more liberating experience, both for those who forgive and for those who are forgiven, than a mere apology can ever be. It is one of the most generous acts we ever perform.” — Hugh Mackay is a social researcher and author.
But still, often the apology is not extended and we are forced to wrestle with that topsy-turvy and upside down and backwards experience of needing to extend personal forgiveness, for our own welfare and healing, even before the apology has been extended. Listen up, friends, especially ladies, we may never get the apology. But we cannot live in anger, because it’s a virus.
Only forgiveness can heal us.
Be well,
Melody
On a lighter note:
I did a little searching and oddly enough, found a website called http://www.perfectapology.com, which serves 50,000 visitors a month, offering advice on how to extend the perfect apology. Having grown up in a house where my dad was never wrong, and never once apologized for his behavior in my lifetime (except that amazing day in Colorado when he knew he was dieing.) Some people need it spelled out for them so here you go.
Apologizing is both an Art and a Science. The Art being the manner in which the apology is delivered while the Science is the recipe that forms the apology itself. This is “Science” or ingredient list that when combined produces the perfect apology.
A proper apology should always include the following:
- a detailed account of the situation
- acknowledgment of the hurt or damage done
- taking responsibility for the situation
- recognition of your role in the event
- a statement of regret
- asking for forgiveness
- a promise that it won’t happen again.
- a form of restitution whenever possible.
Good Luck!
I looked up and perhaps ‘woke up’ to realize that I have fairly happily jumped out of the fray of ministry and most especially gender advocacy for nearly ten years. I stepped away to lick my wounds and be angry, because it was getting too hard and I was burned out and exhausted. I didn’t want to fight any more. I gave up.
“The fate of a nation depends on how it treats its women.” – Malcolm X.
What’s brought me “back” has been this damn book, Deadly Viper, and beginning to read blogs about the microcosm of the Christian world and realizing that after nine years — it seems that it’s almost exactly the same.
Okay, I’ll admit that my sampling is small and cannot be representative. There have got to be success stories and some happy women and minorities in the church and Christian world. There have got to be examples of organizations that are doing multi-ethnicity well. I’ll look. You know me, I will look. But the language and graphics used in Deadly Viper and the whole Presidential search for Wheaton to name two. Or the painful musings of a new person in my life, Kathy Khang, author of More than Serving Tea and multi ethnic director for a parachurch organization. All of these make me shake my head and say wow.
But the other thing I realized is that I owe it to myself and to those involved in my situation to at least get some closure. I haven’t spoken with people in IV about this. For that, I am wrong. I should have had some conversations about why I was really leaving, what I experienced, and worked at the very reconciliation that I refer to below. I’m a hypocrite in this.
But even as I write I can’t help hearing that nagging and doubting voice saying: “How long have you been gone? They didn’t want you there and aren’t knocking on your door to come back. They are not going to care about what happened a decade ago. Let it go. ” But for me, it is as fresh as if it was yesterday. Not the pain, because I’m far enough removed from it all to not feel it anymore. But the injustice of how that whole situation was handled still stands. The fact that it was never resolved, and that I was “just sort of set out to pasture.”
A lot has changed. It won’t be easy for me. I’ll likely sound like a whining woman, a thing I dread and loath. But I will do something about this. I just found this great quote by Marian Wright Edelman: “If you as parents cut corners, your children will too. If you lie, they will too. If you spend all your money on yourselves and tithe no portion of it for charities, colleges, churches, synagogues, and civic causes, your children won’t either. And if parents snicker at racial and gender jokes, another generation will pass on the poison adults still have not had the courage to snuff out.”
And I’ll add, if you’re too scared to stick up for yourself, your kids will be afraid too.
And to follow-up on my ongoing conversation about race, gender and Deadly Viper, I wrote my letter to Zondervan. It’s similar to what I said in my last post, but also different in many ways.
Dear Mr. Vines, Jason:
I wasn’t sure if putting Deadly Viper in the subject line would make you immediately biased against my email, because of all the frustration you’ve undoubtedly experienced over the last few weeks. I hope not, because I honestly am writing out of care and concern, as a fellow believer, committed to reconciling our differences in the kingdom of God not fueling our fires.
That said, I am a forty-something white woman. I have a background in communications both by study at Azusa Pacific University and in my thirteen years with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. I was the director of Urbana Communications for three of the student mission conventions ’96, 2000, ’03. My responsibilities included PR, marketing, all publications, the website, development, etc.
But I’m writing today as a frequent consumer of books and a woman. I am writing today out of care for and concern for Christian women. I tell you my background because I can never take that hat off really, but I can also never stop being a woman (thankfully) and since I began to read about some of the controversy around the culturally insensitive and offensive book, Deadly Viper I’ve concluded that the only way to change that story is to boycott the book. Ha, a boycott of one is silly and ineffective but you know now that I will never buy that book or books like it, and I want to tell you why.
Apparently the authors are nice guys and didn’t mean any harm with it. I can accept that on the level of ignorance. But I have to say it’s still not okay for an organization like Zondervan to produce a book like that, with the racial caricatures and inappropriate humor, and sexist generalizations, in this day and age. This is the 21st century and it’s just not okay!
I had read on some blogs that aspects of Deadly Viper are offensive to women. But before you get annoyed because we women are always offended, please understand how much I do not want to write this email knowing you may think I should stop whining.
Here’s something I wrote recently on my blog:
“…For me it starts with questioning why people, but Christians especially, cause one another pain so needlessly out of our ignorance. And especially why do we cause pain for those that are different from us? …. We, above all, as followers of Christ are instructed to love, as Jesus loved especially if a person is in pain. I’m especially cognizant of this because I have three kids very close in age and my husband and I are constantly being called upon to administer justice.(i.e. break up fights.) Is it: a) their own fault for being too sensitive or getting hurt? b) the fault of the person who caused the pain in the past so it’s pushing buttons and causing additional anguish, or c) the fault of the person who caused the pain this time?
I suspect though, as we try to figure out who did what to whom and why, that we are asking the wrong questions. Someone was hurt and pain occurred. Where do we go from here? How to make it right. How to create conversation and learn? These are the things I try to work through with my children and these are the things we should focus on now, as it relates to very difficult painful experiences.
Let’s be honest, Mr. Vines, sexism is real though I genuinely wish it were not so. And it causes women pain, sometimes deeply and scarring because it is often repeatedly happening. And yet we live with it. We learn to get along. Sometimes we even smile and act polite; we don’t want to offend. Occasionally, we get angry. Women don’t want to be perceived as a b***h. Christians don’t want to be perceived a liberal. Many don’t want to be labeled a feminist. And so we live with the pain of repeated offenses, getting along and leaning on those who are the lightning rods for us.
I haven’t been in the fray for a long time. And I haven’t missed it, not really. But allow me to tell you a true story, the short version of nearly ten years of my life. Every word is true although admittedly my perspective. As I said, I worked at InterVarsity (a more open organization in terms of affirming women.) I was lucky in that I was given tons of responsibility and opportunities for leadership. I was using my abilities, influencing, it was a good place. As fast as I could catch I was being thrown responsibility and I love it. I was Gen X right when Gen X was hot and I was able to bring that to the organization’s communications efforts. Admittedly, I was promoted quickly over just a few years.
Running parallel to this was a tension growing between myself and another leader. He was older (by two decades ), white and male obviously, intellectual,theological, super influential and made a big splash all the time and he had made himself integral to all aspects of the organization.
I was an up and comer and although people liked my work, and my work ethic and my productivity, it wasn’t long before it was clear that we were competitors. There are more spiritual ways of saying it without sounding crass, but there’s only so much turf in a small organization and we both wanted it. Were fighting for it all the time. Oh, not to each others’ faces but in everything we did we were working toward taking charge of the area of communication. Trust me I was not a perfect leader by any means, but I would say probably my greatest vice (other than an insane desire to be perfect and in control of everything and working too hard) was working my staff too hard and not providing enough coaching. No one had ever coached me and I didn’t know how, but that’s another topic (throwing leaders into the fire without grooming them.) His vice? Temper, temper. He threw a Bible at my friend in anger. He treated people (below him) horribly. He emotional/verbal abuse which I would hear about and would bring up with my supervisor and it hit the President’s office and stayed there. They were buddies.
I cried floods of tears at home to my husband and I prayed, but at work I tried to prove to everyone what I “just knew” — that I was supposed to be the one in charge. I was young, innovative, I was ‘the future.’ Meanwhile, I was also having babies while working full-time. I had no intention of slowing down or working less or becoming an at-home mom. I was committed to that job.
I would have these meetings with my supervisor where I would try to make him understand how horrible it all was the infighting and how people were being treated and that people were leaving the organization because of this person, and as he said “We waded through blood together.”
Then one day he brought me into his office and he had a time line on the whiteboard. I kid you not, he had a time line for my life where I would finish out the current assignment, go be a mommy for a few years, and this person hopefully would have retired or something, but the organization would have more space for me, and then I would come back!
Once I got over the hurt of even having a conversation like that, and knowing that he was done advocating for me AND that he was essentially telling me I had gone as far as I was going to there I finished the gig I had and quit. That was nine years ago and I haven’t gone back and they haven’t asked me. That man, has folded everything I used to do and more into his domain and is very happily ensconced.
Draw your own conclusions.
AND SO I FOUND A PARTIAL COPY OF DEADLY VIPERS ON-LINE. I began to read. I first learned one of the authors owns a Media Firm (Yikes! What a revelation!) They need some sensitivity training. But I digress, sort of.
You know what I’d like to ask the authors of Deadly Vipers? Do they have daughters? Because if they do, how can they speak so diminutively about girls and women? Here’s an example:
“there’s little old us looking like school girls with plaid skirts on, because we are unskilled and undisciplined in the area of character. We’re weaklings with rail skinny arms and toothpick legs.” DV, page 8
I have a daughter. I must say how much I resent being used as an example of weak and pathetic, totally lacking in character and discipline and I do not want my daughter thinking that she is either. Even worse, perhaps would be my sons learning about leadership from macho, cool, trendy dewdes.
These guys even make fun of ugly people!! Yes, I mean nerds, geeks, “four eyes,” the person you would never have danced with in high school, me. So that did make me cringe and wonder at their sophomoric attempts at humor and need for being perceived as cool.
But I stopped reading when I read the phrase: “We are asking you to go balls out with us.” mostly because I had to look it up. Are you serious? Don’t you all have editors or someone reading this stuff? Surely, I’m thinking, they can’t mean what I think they mean …? I can tell you that you exclude women(and culturally sensitive men) from your book/s at this point, as this is something that we females just physically can’t do.
But if we forget about Deadly Vipers, because I don’t really want to beat up on these poor guys. They are just trying a little too hard to be cool, and hip and relevant.
So, putting my PR hat on… a few thoughts on offensive situations like this.
1) Say you’re sorry and you messed up, when you’re sorry and you mess up. Just do it cause it will make you a stronger person. Humility is a part of integrity. Then, fix it.
Once I produced a promotional poster for Urbana featuring all sorts of images of people serving in different capacities. It was diverse, it was cool. What I didn’t notice, nor did the graphic designer, or the writer, or a whole slew of other people who saw the thing, was that all of the servees were ethnic or darker skinned and the servers were lighter skin. The posters got a reaction from our multi-ethnic staff that they could not and would not use a poster like this and you can imagine. We had our conference calls and strategy meetings.
I was crushed. But I had messed up. So, I pulled the posters, went over budget to quickly create a new promo poster. And I can tell you that I will never forget that. Not because I messed up, but because I saw how you can do so and survive if your heart is remorseful and you are willing to change.
2) Change your infrastructure. I don’t care what you believe about 1 Timothy (okay I do, but it isn’t relevant here.) you must have women and minorities at the table on all levels of your organization if you want to stop making these huge grotesque blunders. (Well, they are huge and grotesque to me.) In the board room, in the leadership, in the communications team, as your artists and ideas people, we need to be there. I’m not an ethnic minority so I can’t speak to that, but there are people who consult on such things who could generally help the communications of an organization. With my background I could easily look over anything quickly to tell you if it’s insulting to women. Many times a few edits would save a whole lot of head aches.
3) If that seems too impossible a task (to hire someone I mean) then get your organization some cultural and gender sensitivity training. Again, there are tons of firms that could help both secular and Christian. Every person on staff should get such training.
And then tonight I read about Presidential hiring process at Wheaton College and to be honest I had no idea Wheaton had gotten to be so backward. One would assume that Wheaton would hire the best qualified people without discrimination on the basis of race, ethnicity, or sex which is not only illegal, but morally wrong. Truly, I cannot believe that women and minority candidates aren’t being considered.
Like Justice Sonia Sotomeyor said, “if you are a white male who (still) thinks that race and gender don’t matter, conjure up the image of a Supreme Court made up of all-hispanic and black women, and you will know how the rest of the US feels when faced by the prospect of an overwhelmingly white male Supreme Court.”
I’ll conclude by saying that I know if women want an equal world, we have to work for it by accepting positions of authority and responsibility and not by walking away from the fight, like I did. You need to know that I believe I gave it everything and frankly almost lost my faith in humanity in the process. (I only mentioned the name of the organization to you so that you’d understand it’s not small fry organization.)
Here’s my heartfelt prayer: For a day when men can work side by side with women and people of every color and stripe, with joy and common purpose. That did not happen for me, but I speak out here because I hope that things will be better for my sons and daughters, for my nieces and nephews, who are all bi-racial or of a minority culture. It will be a better world for these boys and girls. It just has to be.
I believe fundamentally, it is our hearts that give us up every time. And out of our hearts spew what we believe. It’s our hearts that need changing. But until that day comes, can we at least edit for less offensive language even if you don’t believe in the principles of equality?
With regards,
Melody Harrison Hanson
Imagine Photography, LLC
distinctive photography for hire
https://logicandimagination.wordpress.com/
I will sort all this out.
I’ll take it one day at a time, before my Maker, asking what is it you require of me? Why me? What do you want?
And I’ll try to live it out with integrity and dignity.
Thanks, again, for reading to the end.
Melody
(Statistics from: http://www.globalissues.org)
It is a difficult battle to face down the fears of today.
What am I afraid of ? For starters, I am afraid for the state of the world’s economy. I mean, financial security (something that I thought was a given and that I have absolutely taken for granted) is all but disappearing. Yes, I am afraid. It feels like our country is being run into the ground.
Ironically though, really what I’m afraid for is the state of my America — my middle class, or upper middle-class life is feeling shaky.
Did you know America’s poverty rate was almost 13% of our total population last year? That was the fourth consecutive annual increase, the Census Bureau says.
Last year, there were 37 million people living in poverty in the UNITED STATES.
That’s more than one in ten citizens living below the poverty line, and the gap between the haves and have-nots is widening.
Perhaps as a result of all of the reality shows on television which do nothing to project “reality” but something surreal and unbelievable. My children are often asking “Are we rich?” Ah, a good question and difficult to answer. But if I compare myself, our life, to most of the world we are rich. As my son says: we’re definitely thousannaires. (I’m fairly sure he’s coined this phrase.)
And although I am afraid; Even as my mind runs to ‘what ifs’ it is good to remember to reflect on these facts. Though winter is coming:
I am blessed.
There are many places in our community where others are in need and you and I can help. Donate clothing or money, or time or food to homeless shelter or a local food pantry. These are just a few ideas.
Remember to be grateful and not focus on fear. I want to give out of my abundance, because no matter how much I lost in the stock market recently, or may in the future, or how much the prices of gas and food are skyrocketing, I have much, much more than so many in our community and around the world.
Updates from an Oct 2008 post.
And a few articles to read regarding the US Economy.
1) An interesting article with a little hope about the economy, written by John Maudlin, investment specialist and author of many best selling books.
2) On another note, I just read this interesting article about a woman, Brooksley Born, head of the Commodity Futures Trading Commission ,who was warning against this current financial crisis ten years ago, titled: The Woman Who Could Have Prevented This Financial Mess Was Silenced by Greenspan, Rubin and Summers.
This is a followup to writing about multi-ethnicity, race and culture and the culturally insensitive and offensive book, Deadly Viper. I’ve concluded that the only way to change that story is to boycott the book but even that is ineffective. And apparently the authors are “good guys” and they didn’t mean any harm. Okay. Beyond that, I’m going to continue to follow and cheer on, virtually, my (new) Asian American contacts, for they must continue to raise their concerns about WHY this is so inappropriate. If you want to do something, here’s the email for the appropriate person to contact at Zondervan, the VP of PR and Communication, Jason.Vines@Zondervan.com.
I keep reading on (mostly) from women blogging, and here, that aspects of Deadly Viper are offensive to women, to which I heave a sigh of frustration! I don’t want to read their silly book. I’m not ready to talk about my pain and concerns for Christian women in the church. And I do not look forward to writing this post which is essentially about PAIN! Yes, pain.
Before you, dear reader, get annoyed because we women are always offended, please understand how much I do not want to talk about this, knowing you think I should stop whining.
For me it starts with questioning why people, but Christians especially, cause one another pain so needlessly? And especially why do we cause pain for those that are different from us? Why are Christians so dogmatic, so closed-minded, so unwilling to change, so proud, and so damn selfish? This is a serious generalization, but I cannot stand the reputations that Christians have right now in the media and in any secular context. I cannot stand the way many, many Christians behave, it’s embarrassing! We, above all, as followers of Christ are instructed to love, as Jesus loved (Remember the poor, the meek, the widow, the prisoner.)
If a person is in pain, whose fault is it? I’m especially cognizant of this question because I have three kids very close in age and my husband and I are constantly being called upon to administer justice. (i.e. break up fights.) Is it: a) their own fault for being too sensitive or getting hurt? b) the fault of the person who caused the pain in the past so it’s pushing buttons and causing additional anguish, or c) the fault of the person who caused the pain this time?
Let’s be real. Racism exists. Homophobia is very real. And I can step up boldly to the mike and say: SEXISM IS REAL and alive, though I genuinely wish it were not so. And it causes minorities, gays and women pain, sometimes deeply, scarring because it is often repeatedly happening.
And yet we live with it. We learn to get along. Sometimes we even smile and act polite; we don’t want to offend. occasionally, we get angry. Women don’t want to be perceived as a bitch. Christians don’t want to be perceived a liberal. Many don’t want to be labeled a feminist. Hardly anyone is willing to, dare I say it, admit to being a person that loves gay people. And so we live with the pain of repeated offenses, getting along, and leaning on those who are the lightning rods for us, like Dr. Soong Chan Rah and Kathy Khang . I’m not so sure who other lightning rods are for women but I appreciated Julie Clawson on the topic this week.
I haven’t been in the fray for a long time. And I haven’t missed it, not really. But allow me to tell you a true story, the short version of nearly ten years of my life. Every word is true although admittedly my perspective. I worked for many years for a para-church organization. I was lucky in that I was given tons of responsibility and opportunities for leadership. I was using my abilities, influencing, it was a good place. As fast as I could catch I was being thrown responsibility and I love it. I was Gen X right when Gen X was a hot topic and I was able to bring that to the organization’s communications efforts. admittedly, I was promoted quickly over just a few years.
Running parallel to this was a tension growing between myself and another leader. He was older (by two decades ), intellectual, theological, super influential and made a big splash all the time and he had made himself integral to all aspects of the organization.
I was an up and comer and although people liked my work, and my work ethic and my productivity, it wasn’t long before it was clear that we were competitors. There are more spiritual ways of saying it without sounding crass, but there’s only so much turf in a small organization and we both wanted it. Were fighting for it all the time. Oh, not to each others’ faces but in everything we did we were working toward taking charge of the area of communication. Trust me I was not a perfect leader by any means, but I would say probably my greatest vice (other than an insane desire to be perfect and in control of everything and working too hard) was working my staff too hard and not providing enough coaching. No one had ever coached me and I didn’t know how, but that’s another topic (throwing leaders into the fire without grooming them.) His vice? Temper temper. He threw a Bible at my friend in anger. He treated people (below him) horribly. Severe abuse which I would hear about and would bring up with my supervisor and it hit the President’s office and stayed there. They were buddies.
Being an emotional person, I cried floods of tears at home in bed to my husband and I prayed, but at work I tried to prove to everyone what I “just knew” — that I was supposed to be the one in charge. I was young, innovative, I was ‘the future.’ Meanwhile, I was also having babies while working full-time. I would have these meetings with my supervisor where I would try to make him understand how horrible it all was the infighting and how people were being treated and that people were leaving the organization because of this person, and as he said “We waded through blood together.”
Then one day he brought me into his office and he had a time line on the whiteboard. I kid you not, he had a time line for my life where I would finish out the current assignment, I would go be a mommy for a few years, and this person would have retired and then I would come back and rule! Once I got over the hurt, knowing that he was done advocating for me AND he was essentially telling me I had gone as far as I was going to there. So I finished the gig I had and quit. That was nine years ago and I haven’t gone back and they haven’t asked me. Draw your own conclusions.
I began to read. I first learned one of the authors owns a Media Firm (Yikes! What a revelation!) They need some sensitivity training. But I digress, sort of. I’d like to ask the authors of Deadly Vipers if they have daughters. Because if they do, how can they speak so diminutively about girls and women? Here’s an example:
“there’s little old us looking like school girls with plaid skirts on, because we are unskilled and undisciplined in the area of character. We’re weaklings with rail skinny arms and toothpick legs.” DV, page 8
I have a daughter. I am a daughter and a woman and I must say I resent being used as an example of weak and pathetic, totally lacking in character and discipline and I do not want my daughter thinking that she is either. Even worse, would be my sons learning about “leadership” from macho, cool, trendy dewdes.
These guys are my worst nightmare. They even make fun of ugly people!! Yes, I mean nerds, geeks, “four eyes,” me. Yep guys, you’ve gone and made me mad. How can you use ugly people in such a way? So that did make me cringe and wonder at their sophomoric attempts at humor, and cool, and their strange lingo. But I stopped reading when I read the phrase: “We are asking you to go balls out with us.” mostly because I had to look it up. They can’t mean what I think they mean …? Go look for yourself, but I can tell you that you exclude women from your book at this point boys, as this is something that we just physically can’t do.
So forget about Deadly Vipers. I’m tired of that topic already and I don’t really want to beat up on these poor guys. They are just trying to be cool, and hip and relevant. Just trying is what they are doing, trying too hard.
1) Say you’re sorry and you messed up, when you’re sorry and you mess up. Just do it cause it will make you a stronger person. Humility is a part of integrity. Then, fix it.
Once I produced a poster for a convention featuring all sorts of images of people serving in different capacities. What I didn’t notice, nor did the graphic designer, or a whole slew of other people who saw the thing, that all of the servees were ethnic and/or darker skinned and the servers were lighter skin. The posters got a reaction from our multi-ethnic staff. I was crushed. But I had messed up. So, I pulled the posters and they were trashed. We quickly redid a promo poster and I can tell you that I will never forget that. Not because I messed up, but becuase I saw how you can do so and survive if your heart is remorseful and you are willing to change.
2) Change your infrastructure. You must have women and minorities at the table on all levels of your organization if you want to stop making these huge grotesque blunders. (Well they are huge and grotesque to me.) In the board room, in the leadership, in the communications team, as your artists and ideas people. I’m not an ethnic minority so I can’t speak to that, but there are people who consult on such things who could generally help the communications of an organization by having advice on the ways that you communicate and what you’re saying. I am a woman with a background in communications/marketing and I could easily look over anything quickly to tell you if it’s insulting to women.
3) If that seems too impossible a task (to hire us I mean) then get your organization some cultural sensitivity training. Again, tons of firms that could help both secular and Christian. Every person on staff should get such training.
And then tonight I read about Presidential hiring process at Wheaton College and to be honest I had no idea it had gotten to be so backward. One would assume that Wheaton would hire the best qualified person. Discrimination on the basis of race, ethnicity, or sex is not only illegal, but morally wrong. I cannot believe that people feel they need to ask that some women and minority candidates be considered,but like Justice Sonia Sotomeyor said,
“if you are a white male who thinks that race and gender don’t matter, conjure up the image of a Supreme Court made up of all-hispanic and black women, and you will know how the rest of the US feels when faced by the prospect of an overwhelmingly white male Supreme Court.”
If women want an equal world, we have to work for it by accepting positions of authority and responsibility. Not by walking away from the fight, like I did. But I gave it everything and frankly almost lost my faith in the process. And so, I have to look forward to a day when men work side by side with women, people of every color and stripe, with joy and common purpose. That did not happen for me, but I speak out because I hope that things will be better for my sons and daughters, for my nieces and nephews who are all bi-racial or of a minority culture. It will be a better world for them. It just has to be.
Fundamentally, it is our hearts that give us up every time. And out of our hearts spew what we believe. It’s our hearts that need changing.
Enough for tonight.
UPDATE: Zondervan has pulled all the material from their shelves and has an official apology here. I am surprised and in awe of their willingness to do this.
I will be the first to admit that I know so very little about race and ethnicity. And being white, I think my admitting that point right away is the most important way to start (more important than saying what little I may know.)
My parents (Dan & Shelby Harrison of Wycliffe & InterVarsity) genuinely loved many people from varied cultures and who were in our home some as friends and others as honored guests from all over the world. I have shared meals with everyone from Chinese international students to high level Russian educators and everyone in between. I enjoyed listening to their stories and sharing in laughter and good food. It was an extremely good way to grow up. It taught me culture is more than simply to food and conversation.
Sometimes I wonder if I truly learned something meaningful from those people and their life experiences.
I have always felt comfortable within other cultures, but have never felt a part of them. My dad always said we (Harrison Family) were Heinz 57 or mutts; not really from anywhere. Now I’m labeled Caucasian and I have no ‘culture’ to speak of, except for the mix of traditions that my parents brought to our family. My mother is Texan. My father culturally Chinese. (Yes, stories for another day.) In third grade my best friend was Sarah Wakabayashi. And over the years, with a few exceptions, my friends were diverse. Because of my experiences as a missionary kid, even though my skin was white, I have always gravitated toward minority culture kids and I found these friends were more accepting. Majority culture kids just wanted me to become homogenized.
Today, my best friends here in Madison are a first generation Japanese woman and a Malaysian/Scottish woman. My dearest lifetime, soul mate and friend is African-American and Japanese. I feel understood by them, accepted. But sometimes I think about and wonder why I don’t know more about their experiences of race and racism. We have had some conversations but they were hard to say the least.
This week I followed a conversation over the web between some leaders of the Asian American Christian community and the authors of Deadly Viper published by Zondervan. [Deadly Viper is leadership book whose art and concepts use Kung fu and Asian-looking graphics, but the book wasn’t written by Asians nor is it about anything Asian.] I have no way of knowing if I would have been offended by this book seeing it on the shelf without this context, because my first exposure was through the lens of Asians. But just looking at it from a marketing perspective (which I know something about because of my job with Urbana & InterVarsity) it used Asian stereotypes and it was just plain stupid sounding. (Seriously, sometimes I wonder about the artists at these conservative Christian organizations. They need a crash course in cultural sensitivity.) But as I read (as a voyeur that the web strangely allows for) I realized how offensive it would be, & painful, for Asians, as they saw their culture caricatured and used to sell a book.
Some of their leaders called the issue to light including Dr. Soong-Chan Rah, who was one of the first and has received the most flack. I was especially moved by Prof. Rah’s personal reflections and impressed by the good and gracious hearts of the Asian leaders. Sadly, until organizations reflect the diversity of the kingdom of God, these blunders will continue. (more later). “From a distance [it was] a great statement of how we can move positively in the direction of “authentic” reconciliation and journey towards multi-ethnicity.” (a friend Jimmy McGee on Facebook responding to Dr. Rah.) I’d urge those of you who want to learn more about this, to read Dr. Rah’s blog, which seems to be a place where he helps people like me understand things from an Asian perpective.
How well have I listened? Have I asked the right questions? Or have I been so afraid of offending and so fearful that I don’t know how to ask. I am fearful of hurting my friends have I therefore committed the sin of omission? I do know that acting casual about race wasn’t better than always talking about our differences. It’s certainly easier (for me) but no, I do not think it is ever better. I need to do more.
There are billions of blogs (http://www.racialicious.com/ is a great one) out there where folk talk about their experiences of racism and being from a minority culture. They are trying to help us majority folk to understand. It’s out there. I spent a few hours on Friday night, just following links. I will post some of that in the future.
My sister Paula has written a book on being white in a multi-ethnic world and I haven’t read it. I’m sorry Paula but it’s now on my bedstand! See below for a description of the book. And I personally own many books which speak to the topic, after working at IV. I should read them. Two that jumped from the shelf: Living in Color by Randy Woodley and A Beginner’s Guide to Crossing Cultures: making friends in a multi-cultural world, Patty Lane. I have dozens more. [guilt] I guess I’ve always thought that having friends was good (enough.)
It is important to listen to the painful experiences of minority culture folk, especially in this instance the Asian, and remembering some of the mistakes I made with Urbana communications trying to speak to many different audiences.
I feel profound sadness for the courage of these beautiful people and I don’t even know them. I’d like to figure out how to ask my own friends about their experiences of race and racism, because I love them and I should know.
Nine years ago I wanted (and felt called in many ways) to attend a multi-racial church here in Madison. It was hard to find one! How difficult it was to find what “fit” our family. Mostly my discomfort was my culture rubbing up against others’ and knowing I wasn’t ready to change.
[The only multi-racial church in Madison that I was aware of was Fountain of Life and for me it was very African-American and pentecostal and not as multi-cultural. (Nothing being bad about African-American or pentecostal, just very different from my life experience.) It was so different from what we were used to, that my family wasn’t ready to sacrifice what was comfortable and known.]
I compromised, on both multi-ethnicity and the issue of women, by attending the church that I do. I still need to think about this some more but it is a sad and startling realization.
Well, when will organizations learn that we offend by our ignorance. And we re-offend by our pride and unwillingness to change or admit our ignorance. We must be willing to say “I don’t know” and “I was wrong” and “I’m sorry.” And even then, our dear friends are so gracious and so tired of saying ‘it’s okay.” Because it is not okay.
And we can’t stop there. I can’t stop here. One week of being worked up about pain caused by whites is not going to change anything. The Church needs to figure this out. There’s too much pain here. It was almost physical for me as I read these comments from dear, dear people. My friend Noriko says I have a deeply compassionate heart. She is so good at reminding your of the good qualities. It’s a double sided blessing Noriko.
I have to leave it here for today. Dinner to cook. Homework to supervise. But before I go, if you are white and just beginning to think about what it means to be white, please read about Paula’s book below.
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Have you ever thought about what it means to be white? For me, I am often ashamed of being white. Or to a lesser degree, I never know what to bring to school for the International Potluck, where you’re supposed to represent your culture. Well, my own sister has written a book on the topic and below is a description. — Melody
Are you white? Do you know what this means? Are you aware of racial inequality but have wondered, So what do I do?. Paula Harris and Doug Schaupp present a Christian model of what it means to be white, wrestling with issues of history, power, identity, culture, reconciliation, relationship and community |
What does it mean to be white?
When you encounter people from other races or ethnicities, you may become suddenly aware that being white means something. Those from other backgrounds may respond to you differently or suspiciously. You may feel ambivalence about your identity as a white person. Or you may feel frustrated when a friend of another ethnicity shakes his head and says, “You just don’t get it because you’re white.
- How can you overcome the mistakes of the past?
- How can you build authentic relationships with people from other races and ethnicities?
Paula Harris and Doug Schaupp present a Christian model of what it means to be white. They wrestle through the history of how those in the majority have oppressed minority cultures, but they also show that whites also have a cultural and ethnic identity with its own distinctive traits and contributions. They demonstrate that white people have a key role to play in the work of racial reconciliation and the forging of a more just society.
Filled with real-life stories, life-transforming insights and practical guidance, this book is for you if you are aware of racial inequality but have wondered, So what do I do? Discover here a vision for just communities where whites can partner with and empower those of other ethnicities.
My father was diagnosed with two fatal brain tumors November 2002. This rendering (right) is of the last photo ever taken of him. Of course we had no idea that he was going to die a few days later.
I love it, because although he wasn’t able to speak by that time, he was watching his grand kids (my kids) play in the yard and this smile is sooo HIS SMILE! Makes me (smile) just looking at it.
This is my dad. I’m missing him today. He died May 19th, 2003. When I look at this picture, it still doesn’t seem to be real.
He traveled a lot. He was gone as much as he was at home growing up. So when I think of him as dead, well it’s really more of a gone feeling. Which is very different than dead.
My dad was a mixed blessing. I guess you take the good with the bad when it comes to parents. Right now, I’d take anything from him. I miss him so much.
With all I have learned about photography, I wish that I had one last chance to take his photo. Oh how I would have loved that.
I’ll write more later about mine. I do have poems about him, but I don’t want to focus on that pain right now. If you want to read them look under Poetry.
Logic & Imagination 