Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere. – Einstein
I have often wondered about my mind. How it plays tricks on me. Fogging my intellect, crushing inspiration, causing chaos, creating doubt, hatred, despair while dragging my life down into depression. I have learned to fake it, to pretend that everything will be alright. That the pills work. Have to be okay. What is the … Continue reading Alternatively
My sister’s murder shut me down, I have had to close off the pain. It is the only way to keep going. And go we must. It is not like I don’t want to go on. Life holds plenty of goodness. But living in a world where a husband can kill a wife with a … Continue reading Hey, How are You? My Sister is Dead.
As many of you know, we have mental illness in our family lineage. The details don’t matter in this case, I think. But it is important for people who know nothing about it to know that mental illness can be in any family and violence is not directly correlated with it. Despair and lack of … Continue reading Violence and Mental Illness
If anyone was likely To die early, it was me. The black dog brought me close More than once. But she’s gone and I Must live, a mother who lives Forever.
Back at therapy. Been doing this since my twenties. Does anyone else get therapy fatigue? Back with my Psychiatrist. I’ve lost myself. I always blame the medication. Because I just really want to cry. I have tears inside. I am drowning inside me. With the antidepressants, I struggle to feel. So we’re trying to figure … Continue reading hello my friends
Originally posted on Logic & Imagination:
My tears are welcome. I see them splattered, dried on my glasses as I peer out the window into the wintry, cold, gray, foggy morning; tiny specks on the panes of my eyeglasses. I wipe hard at these dried salty witnesses. They are a record of my sodden heart. Ten thousand tears…
For months the words have toiled and churned inside me. The black letters absent from the page. A heavy, nagging problem. A writer’s liability. Rather than anguishing over this loss I have lived. Then with an intimate slow unfurling I deliberate on these first scarce stanzas. I feel their drumming. Echoes in the chambers of … Continue reading What Is a Good Life?
1 Anxiety crushes me in sleep. It wakes me in the middle of the night with my chest already full of dread before I’m even conscious of being awake. For two years this Depression has been inside me. This is the longest duration I have ever experienced. At times my depression is a low hum … Continue reading When Depression is a Killer: My Story
on one level, her day-to-day life had become solemn and ordinary; awkwardly commonplace, when {self-care} is at the top of her To Do. she thinks. what kind of person needs that to do? — a person that deep down disgusts herself. she starves herself all day long until her hungry body confused enough to relentlessly … Continue reading New: A Solemn & Ordinary Life. #Self-Care in Living with Depression
Depression sucks the marrow of my bones, unhurriedly.
I’ve wanted nothing more than to be useful.
Or have I lied to myself, even now.
Have I wanted importance?
I sit in the early morning dark. It is 4 am and I am awake. I like this time of quiet and solitude. My mind is clear. But also my fear clouds out my hope. Fear woke me. Sometimes when I wake this early I believe God woke me. Presumptuous to believe that God has something for … Continue reading New Post: Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering
I’m forty-eight today. Surreal. We will not celebrate for various reasons, none of which are as morbid as you’re imagining. It is: no wish to celebrate (yes, I told Tom not to do anything) and being a little broke. I’m content. Instead of writing my annual birthday post, I’ve listed all the essays and poetry I wrote … Continue reading Happy Birthday to Me: A Look Back. And A Book Release.
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