Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere. – Einstein
In the dreary midwinter time is never-ending and merciless. I chase the shadow’s bright reflections, brittle patterns on the silvery snow. This distracts me from the echoing lament I woke with today. Melancholy sits dismally on my chest, like a lethargic cat As I consider what’s gone wrong with me. There’s always something and I’m … Continue reading As The Winter Is Long [a NEW Poem]
[Warning: this is longer than my usual posts. 2,779 words] “In the silence of the heart God speaks. If you face God in prayer and silence, God will speak to you. Then you will know that you are nothing. It is only when you realize your nothingness, your emptiness, that God can fill you with … Continue reading New Year, Old Pain, Sudden Hope: When Depression and Heartbreak do not Win
My daughter thinks she Knows My Dreams, she pushed hard recently trying to get me to admit them. Telling me “Go to seminary and be a pastor that writes, mom. That’s what you want. Just do it.” It’s so easy for her to say, I think to myself, with my incessant dissatisfaction and oh so many fears. … Continue reading An Ode To Joy: When Chasing Significance, Ministry, Motherhood, & Alcohol Isn’t Enough
I spent most of my life numb and afraid. I spent the next while trying to fix myself. Then, I began to let go of control. Now life is a daily letting go. “Maybe you have to have a crack in your disbelief, that’s how the light gets in.” I am fighting, kicking and screaming … Continue reading A Crack in Your Life, That’s How the Light Gets In
Today I said no. I said no to something that might have been sweet and good, something that I would enjoy and that would make me feel good about myself – helping other people. It was something that was even noble. Can I be honest and tell you that I need some things to do … Continue reading Today I Said No
“… And lately I wonder if Christians aren’t the most miserable of addicts–and if the fact of our faith itself isn’t part of the reason. After all, aren’t we supposed to be new creations in Christ, freed from the power of sin? Because we tend to think of addiction this way—strictly as a moral failing—we try … Continue reading My Sobriety and My Sin
When I first began this blog in 2008, it was (in many ways) a place to process my alcoholism and recent sobriety. I felt very alone and thought, why the hell not? One of the first things I wrote was a poem (of sorts) titled It’s Lonely Here on The Wagon. That poem chronicled the … Continue reading {A Cautionary Tale of Sobriety}
But if I say, “I will not mention his word or speak anymore in his name,” his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot. — Jeremiah 20:9 For days now I have been nursing wounds that feel as new today with each … Continue reading On Silencing Myself
My dog Comet is being groomed for the first time today and as I was dropping him off I glanced over at the magazines. I was drawn like a bee to pollen by the cover of Brava Magazine. It had an article about the secret addictions of women in Wisconsin, aptly titled The Silent Treatment. … Continue reading Being Broken by Addiction
I just posted a piece on domestic abuse. This is a tiny bit of my personal story that I wrote several years ago. The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive, but do not forget. — Thomas S. Szasz First published in March 2010. This was not easy to … Continue reading Were I to forgive you, Daddy … [A tale of domestic abuse, Part 2]
On the eve of my birth week, I want to take a moment to remember where I have come from, now that I am three plus years sober. While purging and organizing books this week I came across a little orange index card that I wrote to myself while I was working hard at accepting my … Continue reading I was in Love…with Vodka, Wine and Gin
At times I detest that I am an alcoholic. It’s damn inconvenient. Those are the days that it seems the whole world drinks – except me and perhaps James Frey. I dreamt of drinking last night. That scares me a little, because in my dreams I seem to “forget” that I can’t drink. Now that’s … Continue reading You Are Not Alone – Thoughts on Sobriety.
Logic & Imagination 