So much to read, so little time. I know that. If you read nothing else from me in a long while, I hope you’ll read this post. It will not be long. (500+ words, a record.)
I have been writing (and living) out of a place of brokenness for so long that my story has become cliché and not honest – not dishonest exactly, but lacking the truth of my healing …. A fractured painful childhood, a tenuous if bullheaded short-lived career, accidental stay-at-home motherhood, and loss, depression and loneliness, even alcoholism. (And the biggest monster under my bed: being a feminist woman in the evangelical church.)
And now, this season that I cannot label because I am still living it.
Perhaps a place of abundance and healing, if only I would open my eyes and see.
When you are in pain, you tie experiences together to find truth and your story all too easily becomes stuck. I know this. Today. Living the life of Jesus is one of constant transformation. Renewal. Healing.
It is time to live into that healing.
Be the truth that I have experienced. Stop being “the abused child.” Stop being the frantic workaholic archetype striving for meaning in my work and looking for personal value in everything others do and say about me.
Stop living so empty.
Allow the One who fills, to fill me up overflowing.
Will I continue to talk about injustice? You’re damn straight! But I want to do it differently, do it with hope, and grace and peace.
With every part of me, I have wanted to be useful and in my cavernous need to be important I have invalidated myself. My story. For that I seek forgiveness and will endeavor to live out of Jesus’ fullness!
Mine is a story of healing and of transformation. Not because of anything I have done but out of the grace of God and by receiving love from my husband , my children, and from my community of believers.
But by holding on…
to my anger about my upbringing,
to my disappointment with being born woman into a man’s world,
and to my fear that if “allowed to fly” I will flounder, fall, and I will fail. Well,
I have allowed fear to rule and this is the day that it stops.
I want to live like I believe that the One who began a good work in me is faithful to complete it!
I am going to step toward trust.
Trust the words that I wrote today in the poem Nothing and Everything.
The Holy One accepts you for everything you are today and sees who you are becoming. For this Creator God made you, even chose you and is the architect of your life. The Holy One heals, because we sure need a healing. Especially when confronted by the hideous ogre of our envy and pride. The Holy One guides and has a plan.“Even for me?” I cry, in the shadowy, nocturnal hours of fear, anger, twisted truths, ignorance, self-delusion and distrust?“YES, even you” whispers The Holy One.
I am going to step toward a life of abundance. Even for me, my soul quakes? Yes, even you.
MELODY
P.S. I am so grateful for my husband. And for the community of believers that I am a part of – it is a community of grace and abundance. And I am grateful for my online community which is becoming a rich source of love and support.
Logic & Imagination 
I love it Melody! I was just thinking about abundance this morning- Psalm 86:5, “You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you.” I pray you can live in that more and more each day. And I’m glad you will still stay on your platforms! Resting in God’s love does not mean resting in silence.
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True freedom from the past is a beautiful thing. May grace and peace truly rule in your life!
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Melody, I am so pleased that you’re making this transition. I knew it would come eventually, and just praying you to this perspective was a blessing to me. Oftentimes, those of us who have walked a 12-step journey learn that they must identify with the things that bring us down. If I never said, “My name is Charles, and I’m an alcoholic…” I could very well still be very far from being able to reconciled to our Lord. But we become tattooed with the concept of being broken because of it. One thing that process does to us is change our perspective greatly. God’s view of us doesn’t look anywhere close to that. He sees us totally redeemed and perfect in His sight, because He views us through the sacrifice of Christ. To get better, we first have to identify ourselves as people that needed the help in the first place.
A metaphor that I love to use from time to time to counsel people who are hurting is that our lives are like a book being written as we go. Sometimes the title of the book seems to be the hardships, struggles, pains, and anguish we walk through. But, at the end of our lives we will have gained a much better perspective, and something that once was going to be the Title, ends up being maybe a chapter heading, or a repeating reference or footnote. I am so grateful for God loving you until you saw this truth for yourself.
It’s a process and a path to walk. I know that your heart is already fertile enough for God to grow great fruit through your passion and your honesty. He is going to show you ever so much more what He can do, now that there is a desire for the next step. May He continue to bless your socks off with how creatively He loves you and is redeeming and reclaiming you daily.
Blessings, Sis.
Charles Dean Burbank
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It’s all about Who, and Whose. =)
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I see courage. The courage to step out from behind these labels….
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“With every part of me, I have wanted to be useful and in my cavernous need to be important I have invalidated myself. My story. For that I seek forgiveness and will endeavor to live out of Jesus’ fullness!”
I love this–and that you recognize this.
Do not invalidate yourself (like you did with your photography for a while there). Do not belittle the mentor you were to younger women where you used to work (you were to me, at times, for sure). Do not negate the good mothering you have done because you did not do it perfectly (who has? Not I.)
I think it hurts God and the others who love you when you do that to yourself. When we do that to ourselves.
Loving the growth–may this day’s “two steps forward” have no “one step back”.
Wish we could get a pedicure together. I need one.
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Love Meg’s response…. Love love love!!!
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A pleasure to stumble on this blog, Melody. Any chance of a change of background colour for lent?
I would have stayed longer to browse were it not for blinding lime, or whatever it is!
God bless, Joe.
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“Blinding lime” interesting. Happy to.
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Joe, Sorry to offend your senses. I do hope you return!
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Subscribed! I am impressed by your living the virtue of love, the essence of love of ‘to give it away’. In this case I refer to your poems… and your photos which I also like.
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Joe-Thank you!
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