Very early in the morning before the sun is up and hours before there is noise
in my sleeping house,
As I creep down the stairs,
I hope that no-one hears them creak loudly.
After I have made the blackest coffee, it sits hot and comforting between my cold hands.
I sip it as I sit, read and pray. Pondering things that I do not understand.
Laying down my fears
as if by writing them, somehow I will let them go.
I stretch out my legs for a moment and my cat jumps
and sits on them forcing me to settle, just as I was going to be done she forces me to sit back and to truly stop my spirit, just when I think I am finished there.
At this point I am not inclined to sit any more, all–too–ready–to–get–on–with–my day.
Though when I wake, my heart is full of longing to sit with Them, waiting
to hear the sweet whispers of the Father, Son and Spirit.
But soon my restlessness–overcomes–my–eagerness
and hunger to Be With.
By my heavy, sleeping cat on my legs I am suddenly
s l o w e d–d o w n; just for a moment,
I suppose, I will linger. Suddenly, gone are anxious thoughts and my busyness;
I let it all briefly go.
Forced by my sleeping cat with her heavy weight holding me down.
I am reminded
God always longs for me.
God waits for me.
To settle in This quiet presence.
To sit with my questions.
To set aside my wonderment of the pain that surrounds.
To feel the awe of being with a Father that wants me.
There, as my legs fall asleep I am struck by how difficult it is for me to sit.
To receive Holy company.
To receive a Holy welcome.
To settle in and completely BE with Them.
It is as if my cat with her wish to be close to me, to take a nap on my stretched–out–legs,
is the Spirit’s hold, gentle but firm, full of love. Telling me to stay.
I am uncomfortable, but my cat sleeps on. I wiggle my toes to get the blood flowing again.
She blinks sleepily at me. She is annoyed when I jostle her a bit too much.
My cat just wants to be with me; she has no expectation, no need, no fear. She has complete trust. Stay, stop squirming she says with a hard glaring look and her nails beginning to claw my leg.
“But my feet! My legs!” I protest.
Sit. Enjoy me.
God whispers to me.