In my dream, I experience a cluster of events all surrounding my father and his behavior toward me. Decisions that he makes, that he doesn’t bother to tell me about, though they change my life. They embarrass me. They scare me. And most of all they make me so angry that I am shouting. Screaming at him. Spittle flies. My breath catches in my throat. I am shaking. I am choking on bile and rage. I scream: “Look at me! SEE ME!”
And then along with my mother, her look back impassive, nonchalantly he walks away.
I wake with pain behind both eyes, daggers. pointing. through my retinas out the front of my face I am sure. Heart aching. I can’t do anything about it. Slowly the rage slips away to wherever it goes in between Rage Dreams.
Ya'll, thanks for sharing.
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Published by Melody Harrison Hanson
I’m an over thinker and incessant seeker. I’m grateful for God’s grace. This is a quiet, contemplative blog. I write my poetry, essays and offer my photographs.
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Nice! My parents just told me they were ashamed of me, that the social justice church (Presbyterian USA) I go to is of the devil and only says words that I want to hear because I’m selfish, that if I weren’t gay and living against God’s Word I wouldn’t be afflicted with an immune disorder, have been sexually abused as a child by one of dad’s deacon’s, and wouldn’t have problems now, and my being gay is THE problem with our country. That if I were Muslim, I would be stoned. They told me that God is punishing me and if I dare ask him what he would have me do, things might be different. That I am welcome at her home, but she is making no effort to ever come see me…she told me she is ashamed of me and I am ruining the family name. My rage is against me. I have no family now, no where to turn. Be thankful for Tom everyday, and your kids, help them grow in love. I’m signing off, Mel. It may take a few days to put things in place, but clearly with family ashamed and no where to turn, it’s time to go. I always cared for you. I’ll look up to you from hell. rt
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Bec-I am so truly sorry for what you are experiencing from your parents. I don’t know where that kind of hatred comes from but it isn’t Godly nor should you have to hear it. God loves you Bec and I have always cared about you. Are you going to be okay, I mean today and tomorrow? I know you moved recently, do you have support?
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